WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IS IT? MINE OR HIS??

Hey friends, how are you today? How was your weekend? How has the weather been in your neck of the woods? The water table is high due to the amount of rainfall, we’ve had, but that seemingly that has not affected our temperatures and sunshine days, in our neck of the woods.  Even the trees have a problem adjusting to these changes, the leaves of some are burned.  The atmosphere has lately been covered by a haze which is due to the fires from the west and north of us.  Usually, the weather is the topic used when there is nothing else to talk about, but lately it seems like everyone is interested in the weather’s shenanigans.  But then again, the weather obeys its Master, does it not? Honestly, she (yes, let’s go with that) knows negotiations and noncompliance is not an option.  She does and goes where her Master wills.  Oh, to be like the weather, “not my will, but Thine be done”. 

Submission to the Father’s will’, what a novel idea.  Hubby and I will be married for twenty-seven years on Friday and friends, I honestly tell you, this is due to the faithfulness and mercy and grace of the Lord. Unlike the weather that follows the Lord’s commands without complaints, I on the other hand, like things my way.   

Wives, come a little closer, closer still, ok let me share with you a little secret; God’s Word is not negotiable! I know!! Who knew!! Obedience to the Word of God is not dependent on whether my husband obeys it or not.  I know! I know! I didn’t want to believe it either when I first heard it. After all, didn’t the Lord make him the head of the house!? Isn’t it his responsibility to obey first!? I certainly thought so and acted accordingly. 

I thought there was no reason for me to submit to my husband’s lead if he didn’t love me as ‘Christ loved the church’.  What a revelation it was to me, when I found out that as an individual, my relationship with the Lord is to some extent, independent of my husband’s. Many people accept their illnesses and mental issues as theirs; for example, recently someone shared with me their battle with ‘my’ anxiety and ‘my’ depression, but few take responsibility for ‘my’ relationship with the Lord.  Too many of us hold ‘others’ responsible for our disobedience to the Word of God.  ‘He didn’t do this, so I will not do that’, but who will we answer to on that day? Him or the Lord? 

After twenty-seven years, I have come to the conclusion that that man the Lord gave to me is very imperfect.  There are times, he fails to love me as he should.  There are times, he says words that inflict hurt, sometimes intentionally (don’t feel sorry for me because and intentionally, there are times I will do the same).  There are times when I repeat the same sentence(s) five times because he listens not, and there are several times, other imperfections come through loud and clear.  But my obedience to the Word of God is never dependent on whether he obeys or not.  

There are a number of commands the Lord gave to us as wives, but one which is an ongoing battle is Ephesians 5:22. Sometimes I remind the Lord, that it began with Eve (someone has to be blamed; it might as well be Mother Eve).  This verse is less hard when we look at the second part ‘as to the Lord’.  ‘As to the Lord’, not for his sake but for the Lord’s, perhaps even for the sake of the sons and daughters, we’ve been gifted.  ‘As to the Lord’ says in spite of him, we obey God.  ‘As to the Lord’ says I am responsible for my actions.  ‘As to the Lord’ leaves me without excuse for my disobedience to a direct command.  It was never a suggestion; it was never dependent on my husband’s obedience. 

Non of us are perfect, non of us have arrived, we are all in need of forgiveness, of grace and of mercy, that includes my sweetheart and that also includes me.  My happiness is not my husband’s responsibility, my emotional balance isn’t his responsibility either, that’s giving him too much credit and giving him the responsibility for something he cannot accomplish even if he tried.  Harmony begins with a consistent and vibrant relationship with the Lord, my relationship with the Lord is always my responsibility.  It is good when my husband walks with the Lord, but whether or not he does, my obedience is my responsibility.

How are you doing? How has your weather been lately? Are you married? How many years? What advice will you give to your newly married self?

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18 Thoughts

  1. None of us have arrived, none of us are perfect! Pressing into the Lord for help in becoming more of who he wants me to be. We have haze here too. Hot, dry tinderbox. Thankful we can water the garden and have a crop to be enjoyed. Praise God in ALL things! Bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been married 50 years. And I would give the same advice you gave. As a young bride wanting to be a good wife I read much from God’s word on the subject. I, too, said, “But he …” The Lord made it clear I wasn’t even to read what was written to husbands because I wasn’t one. I was to read what was written to the wife. One truth that helped me was that my husband would be accountable as the leader of our household, of course, I read this before I wasn’t supposed to read about the husband – I think.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for the blessing. The time has been filled with good and hard times. I hesitate to say bad for with God He works even those times out for our good and his glory. God bless you.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. As a man, husband, brother, and dad I know your words are true, but need application to MY heart as well. Even if my bride failed at her responsibility to heed your advice, there is no excuse for me to not love her as Jesus loves the church.
    A friend once told me any 50/50 marriage is headed for trouble.
    It has to be 100/100! Keep teaching us, sister! 😊
    p.s. LOVE the kissy face picture!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well said, Brenda! I used to believe that my husband’s responsibility was to make sure of two things: 1)I stayed close to God and 2)I was happy. I discovered that it is my own responsibility to stay close to God and it is my choice to choose to be happy.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oooph! Ouch, ouch! Ugh!
    lol 😅 you got that right, Brenda. Not popular words, but TRUE!
    We got married late (first marriage for both of us) at 52 and 53; we are going on 13 blessed years together. That was one of the early lessons God had for me: It’s not about me. My new job is as his helpmeet, and as I serve the Lord, I must serve him.
    We are in one of the many drought areas of the US. 102 today, 106 tomorrow, and high humidity. Where does humidity come from if we’re in a drought??? Must be all that corn (besides the southerly winds).

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Amen! Not married yet, but sound doctrine advise for when I do get married. God has been speaking to me lately about how it’s not my future husband’s job to make me happy. It is God’s alone to fulfill me. Its my job to walk in obedience to his word. Cause at the end of my life. It is God who I must give an account of my life too. Thank you for this. God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Good stuff!!! Marriage is definitely better when it’s done with three—God first and then husband and wife (that triangle effect)..❤️Happy anniversary!!!

    I love what you said here:

    She does and goes where her Master wills. Oh, to be like the weather, “not my will, but Thine be done”.

    Liked by 1 person

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