SOMETIMES, I AM MY WORST ENEMY

Hey friends, how are you today? How was your week? Did you hear about the snow in Montana last week? I was so very thankful, that the snow stayed on that side of the country, thank the Lord.  Although our weather wasn’t that better, actually.  Our temperatures actually dropped into the 30s°.  We had to turn on the heat in our house at the very start of October. What do you think? Is this a sign of things to come? I sure hope not.  This week should herald temperatures in the 60s° and lows in the 40s°, much better than last week’s 37°.  

Reflection of the trees in the puddles

Did you miss me? Unexpectedly, I took a brief hiatus last week.  I didn’t intend to; it just happened that way.  Although I didn’t make my Tuesday post, I had every intention of rescheduling for Wednesday and Friday, but of course that didn’t happen.  It occurred to me, last week, that at times, I am my worst enemy.  

I know what I have to do, but I allow distractions into my life, knowing that deadlines may not be met.  All the while, conveniently telling myself, I still have time.  In actuality, I chose something far less profitable and very much worthless.  I find it easy to blame the enemy for the distractions, as if I had no part in it; as if I didn’t have a choice.  At times, I am my worst enemy.   

Do you know that my worst enemy isn’t at all the enemy of my soul?  He has already been defeated.  No, no that title of worst enemy goes to none other than me.  I have been granted every opportunity and have been provided with every trait needed to succeed, but I at times, instead of claiming the victory, I put on my victim suit and wallow in self pity.  Why do I struggle so? Why can’t I just choose God’s way, all the time? Why? It’s not like I don’t know what to do, I know it.  

I have very good intentions.  Most weeks, I schedule my time in order to accomplish the tasks to which I have been assigned.  But usually by halfway through, I am no longer adhering to the Plan.  “Prone to wonder, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God, I love”. I found myself asking the question, “who are you becoming? My actions have a story to tell, but instead of allowing my Lord to write my story, I’ve taken charge of the tale.  At times, I am my worst enemy. 

I know that without Christ, no good can be found in me, yet I attempt to do good without God; an impossible feat, I dare say.  I know that I’ve been called to love others, but instead I want to love only those that love me.  Forgiveness is another character trait, I’ve been tasked with exercising, but at times, bitterness and vengeance is what I seek.  The Lord desires that I fellowship with others, to encourage and build up for His Kingdom but instead I allow fear to guide my steps and other times, I want pride to be my anchor.  

It really comes down to choices, does it not? Yes, the enemy of my soul places and will continue to place roadblocks in my way, but he does not and cannot make my choice for me.  I have been left with the options of choosing to obey the Word of God or choosing to do things in the ‘way the seems right’ to me.  Choices! Choices! Choices! It’s comes down to that (limited) free will, the Lord gave me at birth. The paths are right there, but do I go left or do I go right? Sometimes left looks promising, but it requires that I compromise the Word of God in some way.  Right involves surrender and submission to a Greater Authority, but I want to lead, not follow. 

The struggle to choose the right way versus my way is a difficult task and at times, I choose the easy way out.  What brings that on? Could it be that I don’t trust God? Could it be that I don’t believe in His goodness? Maybe I do not trust His perfect love for me.  But how can that be Lord, when You’ve proven Your love over and over again for me? You’ve shown me more mercy than I could ever deserve, not that I deserve one iota of Your precious mercy. You’ve demonstrated Your might and Your power over and over and over again.  Why do I struggle to do right? Sometimes, I am my worst enemy.   

Today, I’ll begin again.  I’m handing over the reins to You Lord.  I’m giving You the pen, Your write my story.  You always tell a better tale, anyway. I’m choosing You, Lord. 

Come with me, there’s room for one more in this sweet narrative.  Will you join me?   How was your week? 

Let’s continue the conversation over on Instagram. Follow my Instagram and I will follow back, just let me know in the comment section. I would love to meet you 🙂

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