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5, MAYBE 8 THINGS, I’VE LEARNED WHILE MARRIED

Hey friends, how are you today? How was your weekend? What tasks did you perform, what events did you attend?  We went to NYC over the weekend.  We had the best time spent with our family.  We did so much and yet so little in that short space of time.  It was definitely a time well spent.  We talked and laughed and caught up with each other. We loved on the newest addition to the family, he is a beautiful, chunky, happy, baby boy.  His big brother had lost all signs of shyness, from our last visit, and shared with us, tidbits of his life.  Then we all (except Benny) had our nails done, by our superb cousin, friend and nail artist.  Of course, one does not go to NYC without enjoying a bit of shopping.  Even the traffic in and out of city was surprisingly easy and flowing, for a minute there, we thought the GPS had failed us. A good time was had by all, even my sweet husband, who really, really hates the city, but will endure it for our sake. A great husband is hard to find, I’ll endeavor to keep mine.  

Wow! You know it’s going to be a scorching, bright, sunny day, when the cicadas are so loud, the sound interrupts your thoughts. I know it will be a great day today, because the Lord woke us up this morning.  I know it will be a great day, because there’s food on my table, shoes (I’ve added a few more) on our feet and clothes (I’ve added a few more) on our backs. I know it is a good day, because my God still sits on the throne of the universe, He is still Lord and Master of my life.  I know it is a good day, because today is our 25thwedding anniversary.  Whooo…whooo. can you see me waving my hands? The Lord is good and gracious and kind and wonderful and merciful.   I wish I could say that it was an easy 25 years, but it wasn’t, there was way too much selfishness. He gets all the glory, because too many times, there were too many words spoken, but not enough said. To my great God be all the praise, because there was way too much pride, on both sides. All the glory, all the praise belongs to our faithful and true God.  

Where would I be today, if I had not leant one thing along the way, right? Thankfully I learnt not one, but five things throughout the last 24 years, that prayerfully, I will implement in our 25th.  

Marriage is a union between three people, with God at the helm of this union.  The closer I draw to the Lord, inevitably the closer I become with my spouse.  

A wife isn’t who I am; it isn’t my identity. I am first and foremost a Christian, a servant of the Most High God.  My allegiance is to Him first, believe it or not, I am a better wife, when I remember that.    

My performance of the roles, to which I’ve been commissioned, in this relationship is not dependent on my husband, or on his performance. Obedience to the Word of God is not optional.

This one took me by surprise too, but my husband’s role isn’t to make me happy.  Shocking, I know; but really, happiness and joy is intrinsic and comes from the Lord. I ‘wife’ better, when I do not expect my husband to make me happy, but rather when I am already happy and joyful, which of course, is assured when my relationship with the Lord is properly aligned. 

Marriage is an institution created by God, for His glory.  Yeah, yeah, this one took me quite a few years to learn, sometimes I admit I still forget, and glimpses of selfishness will poke through everyone in a while. Okay, okay… there are quite a few opportunities when selfishness will have its moment.  As a matter of fact, there’s usually a daily sighting.  

This one is free: ladies, watch the thoughts that creep into our heads.  Be aware! We have a subtle and sly enemy.  Don’t dwell on the negative, be swift to forgive and quick to apply much grace and mercy, don’t worry, you too will soon be in need of more grace and mercy. 

Communication is key, don’t assume he knows.  I will tell you now, he doesn’t. Speak up, watch the tone, and choose carefully, the battles.  Believe it or not, just because you think it, doesn’t mean it has to be said. My pastor has this saying, “there are three sides to every story – my side, their side and the truth”.  Don’t believe every insidious, thought.  

And lastly, our spouse isn’t a child; if you’re like me, perhaps you needed a (sometimes, not so gentle) reminder along the way.  Do not refer to him, nor lump him with the boys.  And please if you have to compare him, do so with King Solomon.  He was wise and rich.  

Okay, I know I said five, but obviously there are a total of eight.  Happy anniversary to me, thank You, almighty God. Today is a date kind of day, right, except we usually take the girls with us.  Who else does that?  Let me know in the comments.

How are you today and what are your plans?

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85 responses to “5, MAYBE 8 THINGS, I’VE LEARNED WHILE MARRIED”

  1. Love your post! Me and my husband will be married for 23 years coming up next month. Through our many years of marriage we have learned the only way you can be truly happy in your marriage is to follow bible principals. God instituted the first marriage and gave us the principals we need to make it work. We just have to listen. Isaiah 48:18 ” If only you would listen to my commandments! Then your peace would become just like a river, And your righteousness just like the waves of the sea”

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  3. Thank you for your post! A lot of timely reminders for us all! I love this! Although no marriage is perfect, what helped us along the journey of marriage was applying practical bible principles as mentioned at Ephesians 5:28, 29, 33 it shows how husbands and wives are to lovingly interact with each other. It is not easy all the time but nonetheless beneficial. Thanks for sharing and happy anniversary!

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  5. What a lovely post. In our twenty years of marriage I have learned and am learning afresh these truths everyday. We do indeed serve a mighty and gracious God.

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  9. No, no children, adult or otherwise on husband & wife dates here…we need time to refresh just being husband & wife together with the Lord… reinforcing that three stranded cord. 😀
    Family outings are for other times. 😉
    Bless you,
    Jennifer

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  16. Looks like fun in NYC! Beautiful pics, love the one of you two!!
    Happy 25th anniversary!

    And great advice, I need this:

    ‘Speak up, watch the tone, and choose carefully, the battles.  Believe it or not, just because you think it, doesn’t mean it has to be said.’

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  19. Congratulations! My husband and I also just celebrated an anniversary – 35 years on the 28th. One of the things you learned I had to also learn. He can’t read my mind. For the first few years of our marriage I would get upset with my husband when he did not seem to respond to a need or wish I had. Finally, I realized he can’t read my mind but if I would tell me my need, he would be more than glad to reach out and help me.

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  21. Sister, you have gained some wisdom along the way. If he is also putting Jesus first, above you and the children, and you second, above the children and the job and church, then you have and will continue to have a growing relationship that is pleasing to God. It is an encouragement to hear you talk encouragingly about your husband when man-bashing is all the vogue these days.

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    • Thank you so very much, the Lord has been very good to us and especially to me 😀 Grace and mercy and forgiveness have been exercised on both sides and praise the Lord, my husband loves the Lord most

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  23. Congratulations and Happy Anniversary! You have learned many lessons that I am still learning after 46 years, but I’m still learning and still with the one to whom I pledged my love and fidelity four decades ago. Again, Happy Anniversary! Celebrate all year!

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  24. Congrats on 25 years! Wow! My husband and I just celebrated 17 – by the grace of God. Yes, selfishness is definitely an issue for us as well. I really did need several of those reminders – especially the one about not expecting my husband to make me happy, but instead relying on God for this. I’m glad you had fun in NYC. I am only 4 hours away but have never had an interest in going. I’m so introverted and a country girl. The idea of such a big city and buildings all around me gives me a panic attack!

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  27. Happy anniversary! How fun to visit NYC and see family! Praise the Lord for Blessing you both with 25 years and you are right, it happens with loving God first then everything else falls into place! My husband and I took a Road Scholar trip (our first) last week to South Dakota. We saw Mt Rushmore, Crazy Horse and the hot and dry Badlands. I felt like it was really one of our better trips. This was a check off the bucket list for us! Yahoo!

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  30. Oh, and God HAS blessed you, Brenda, with wisdom to share, via a Godly Spirit. And blessed you with the perfect husband, from the looks of it – and perfect children for you. I do love how God gives us perfect gifts. Maybe not perfect in behavior every minute, but perfectly fitted for each of His children.

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  33. Love reading your posts!
    Wow! Amen to all the lessons you have learnt and will continue to learn and share with us. Drum roll! Get the maracas going! Where’s the music – okay the band is going now…Congrats on your 25th anniversary! May the Lord continue to multiply your joy and give you all the wisdom to keep the good man you were able to find (love that point you made by the way). May you both continue to inspire your beautiful girls and may the Lord’s favor continue to be multiples on you all. Lots of love and confetti coming your way. ♥️

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  35. CONGRATULATIONS!! So very happy for you and yours especially today 🙂 Have a wonderful date night…and yes, our kids are always included in whatever we end up doing for our anniversary 🙂 God Bless!

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