Hey friends, how are you doing? How was your week? Yesterday, we enjoyed beautiful, refreshing, cooling rain for most of the day. I know …  you can laugh if you want to; I’m so very sure the Lord is perhaps still shaking His Head.  Just a few months ago, I could hardly find one good qualifier to describe the rain. It had rained for what seemed like most of the spring and I just had to have sunshine.  Well… we left Atlanta with temperatures of over 90° only to arrive in our hometown with temperatures of …. (you guessed it) over 90°. It was a very beautiful, very sunny, very humid, very hot 95° with a heat index of 0ver 100. At the end of most summers, we count our 90° and over, on one hand.  So far, I think we are well over ten and August isn’t even here yet! I’m not complaining though; I most certainly don’t want to go back to those rainy days.

Isn’t it interesting, how most of us think we want something, only when we have it, we realize perhaps that wasn’t ‘it’ after all? We promise ‘to have and to hold, in sickness and in health’, except when difficulties arrive on our doorstep, we quickly scramble out of the way.  After the birth of our second daughter, Benny and I went through a rough patch.  

two peas in a pod

On the heels of Anna’s birth, Benny’s family suffered some devastating news and he needed to be with them. But I just had a c-section, with a two year old and I wanted him with me.  In hindsight I see now the selfishness, I (I guess we both did) demonstrated during this time.  Truthfully, my mom and my family were there with me, every step of the way. They came to my home every single day to look after the girls, while I recuperated. They knew about Benny’s family and they wanted to help, by standing with me.  But I felt like I was being regulated to second place in Benny’s life and I didn’t like it.  It was not a pretty sight.  If my parents would have had me, I probably would have left; but in their wisdom, they would not have it.  Thank God for wise parents.   

Of course, I could come up with a multiple of reasons why I was right, and Benny was wrong.  In my eyes they seemed right, after all didn’t the Lord tell the man to leave his parents and cleave to his wife? Fascinating, how easy it is to take myself out the equation, when I am looking for support.  But God is definitely impartial, isn’t He? In as much as Benny is the head of our home, the Lord didn’t assign me to an obscure position in the household.  I have my own responsibilities that do not hinge, nor do they require any actions from Benny. When I see my duty, first to the God of creation, then to my family, then I don’t need external motivation to do what the Lord has called me to do, as a woman.  

My personal time with the Lord Is a necessity. It isn’t optional, if my desire is to be the best wife and mom, the Lord has called me to be.  I need to know the Word of God for myself and as an individual Christian, I am obligated to have my devotions; that never depends on Benny. 

Obedience to the word of God is also my responsibility, not Benny’s, but mine.  My name is written in the Book of Life, it is my job to know and to do what the Lord had commanded me.  Spending time in the Word of God, with our spouse and family is invaluable, but that should not replace my personal time with the Lord.  I need to cherish that time, because in His presence, I can share with Him the things that I can’t share with anyone else.  I know that sometimes husbands think wives have no secrets… if they only knew.  Thankfully the Lord knows, because He knows everything and because I’ve told Him. 

It’s easier to speak up, when I remember who I am in Christ.  I am not inferior to my man.  We were created equal and are seen as equals in the sight of God but assigned to different roles with different responsibilities. I don’t want to be Benny, with his responsibilities (well most of the times) and I’m sure he doesn’t want to be me.  

I need to, as much as lies within me, be available to my family.  I can’t make myself so busy that my husband and kids are fending for themselves.  The atmosphere in the home should be relaxed and safe.  Unfortunately, marriage isn’t all about me (as I previously thought). As much as lies with me, my marriage should always bring glory to my Heavenly Father, that happens when I keep my eyes on Him.  

I need to be aware of the needs of my family and do my best to meet those needs.

We can choose to keep our eyes on each other; on the things that this person is or isn’t doing, or we can choose to just do what the Lord has called us to do, while we stay in our lane.  Marriage isn’t perfect, how can it be, when we are both imperfect? But if I (just me) do my part, while trusting the Lord to do His, then perhaps, because of me, there maybe more sunny days in their lives.  

What are a few things you’ve learned on your life’s journey? Do share, we all can learn from each other.  If you are divorced, tell us what you think went wrong; if you are married share your strengths, if you want to get married, share why. 

Let’s keep the conversation going over on Instagram. I’d love to ‘meet’ you. Follow my Instagram Page 

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  1. This wasn’t easy to read. There have been times after a new baby when my husband was called elsewhere and I felt abandoned- despite the help of others. I don’t have the answer. I do feel like our family should be his first priority after God and yet there are times when life trumps that. I have to live surrendered to God’s work and will.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Divorced…after 30 years of marriage. It took a long time to recognize that my husband and I were living two separate lives within one marriage. The problem can be traced back to marrying in haste, no I wasn’t pregnant, just thought I needed to get married. When a serious of tragedies and traumas hit me all at once while I was also dealing with my husband’s indifference and tendency to dump all our problems onto me; I cracked. Perhaps if the two situations hadn’t collided at the same time we might have been able to get past both and continue in our marriage, but that wasn’t the way it happened. Am I sorry? Sometimes I miss the home that I had and the life that I lived. I do not miss the frustration of dealing with someone I couldn’t seem to connect with on a deeper level. I no longer believe that divorce is the unpardonable sin; but I do think that people need to tread more lightly when considering marriage. Please, make sure you are listening to your Heavenly Father in your choice and don’t do anything in haste.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Brenda, I married a non believer and I knew it. Maybe I really thought “I’ll get him to believe.” 35 years later I’m still going to church by myself. How I love him and am frustrated he doesn’t see his need for the Lord. How have we done it. He knows how much I love God and stopped rolling his eyes at least 20 yrs ago. Me, I’ve prayed and bit my tongue when God tells me to. Believe me I want to be right and and I want things certain ways and God says do my will and I’ll take care of the rest. Thank you for reminding me I’m to be obedient to Him and not delayed obedience, if you know what I mean.😁

      Liked by 3 people

      • I most certainly know what you mean 😂😂 submission is hard work and has to be so very intentional because it goes against our very nature. 35 years of marriage! To our great and mighty God be praised, may the Lord continue to be glorified in and through your marriage. God bless you, Lori


  3. Great lessons to learn. I am single but in my journey with Him so far, He works in us patiently to bring us to the place of absolute trust in Him. It makes it easier for us to be less discouraged when people are not able to do certain things we would have wanted or wished for.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Hmm, where do I start? haha! Let me just say this, when I realize the heavy responsibility and burden that my husband carries just to support us financially , it helps me be more understanding when he fails to meet my standards in other ways. I know he gets overwhelmed by it , especially as he is getting older and his job is in the heat and on his feet. I pray that the Lord will provide him another way to support us, or show me how I can help. For now I do my best to be thrifty and supportive to him. Brenda, it’s so nice to read your God-honoring blog. God bless you!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I am working on praying more intentionally for my husband. I have always prayed for him, but I’m trying to be more specific. Instead of just the general, be with him and guide him, etc. etc., I am trying to say things like, make him strong in You so he can be the best leader, etc. etc. This is hard for me since a) I have to pay more attention and can’t just give in to my tiredness and b)it goes hand in hand with submission 🙂 And as I am slowly, VERY slowly learning, submission doesn’t mean I just roll over and let my husband make all the decisions. It’s so much more than that. I’m still working out my understanding of submission and working out how to be submissive. Maybe, with God’s help, I will someday “get it”. It does go very hand in hand with my submission to God. 🙂 And since I am human and of the flesh, I want to be in charge. So some learning lessons going on. I figure as long as I am moving forward, it is progress! That turned into a large rambling comment, sorry, lol. Thank God for cooler weather! I’m not cut out for the heat and humidity, lol. God Bless, my friend!

    Liked by 4 people

  6. We both got married late in life (our early fifties), first marriage for both of us. We knew we would have to make adjustments, but have been surprised at how God smoothed a path for us. We like peace, and are unsettled when we don’t have it – we can’t stay that way, and will work to restore and improve our relationship. We ask forgiveness, admit when we’re wrong.
    My biggest lesson was in becoming a servant. As you say, it’s not all about me. In marriage, it’s all about Him first (meaning God, as it always was), and then about him.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Great post Brenda. Marriage indeed isn’t one sided. It’s a merging of the two. That’s why we call it marriage! I think our strength as a couple is that we communicate and we’re truthful with each other. We want peace in our home, and for the most part we have that. It helps when both partners want the same thing and work to achieve that together.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. I enjoy reading your posts and I appreciate your transparency. I’m finally learning one day at a time to allow my husband to be the head of our home and that submitting to him doesn’t mean I’m weak. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us🙏

    Liked by 5 people

    • amen 🙂 I think at times we equate weakness with submitting, it definitely isn’t. Submission is a voluntary action and I can assure you, it takes strength to exercise this particular trait. Only God can help us as women to submit, it is that difficult 🙂 🙂 May the Lord bless you

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Love this, Brenda. I would love to share with you on Insagram – or Twitter! – but the link isn’t working to connect with you. 😥 You’ve shared a lot of truth here, and my prayer is that God will allow me one more chance to get it right. (I’ve made a mess with marriage (plural) and divorce (plural!) ….. I recently met someone and am praying for God’s guidance). I appreciate your encouragement! On twitter: living4recovery. On Instagram: illseeya2002

    Liked by 1 person

    • praying that the Lord gives you the desire of your heart 🙂 Thank God for new beginning and do-overs. Do you know my maiden name is Henry? 🙂 🙂 I won’t forget you at all. Thank for sharing your journey, Nancy, May the Lord truly bless you (I fixed the link and followed your twitter and instagram) 🙂


  10. I have learned, slowly and painfully, that the world does not revolve around me. When I had our third child, my husband invited his mother to come and “help me out” since I had surgery afterwards. Instead of offering any help, Mom W. criticized my efforts to nurse the baby who cried incessantly. She kept telling me that I didn’t have enough milk and that he was hungry. I had to shut myself into my bedroom with a cup of tea and the baby in order to be able to feed him. Then, my husband took her out to tour D.C., along with our other two children. Well, that got her out of the house, but it didn’t help me too much because I was left at home alone, recovering from surgery and with a newborn. I looked in the pantry and saw nothing there for me to eat while they were gone all day. I was absolutely devastated. I felt betrayed and abandoned. But a sweet neighbor brought me some soup and I relaxed for the day. God knew what I needed even when I hadn’t asked. I needed a break from my MIL, even if it meant being all alone and coping with pain and a fussy newborn.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank God for the people He puts in our lives, just when we think we can’t go on; Surely He is faithful, praise the Lord. Thank you for sharing this Vickie, sometimes, it’s easy to think we are alone in this, but then someone shares their testimony and you realize you are not alone anymore 🙂 thank you and may the Lord bless you

      Liked by 2 people

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