SELFISHNESS IS IN MY DNA

Hey friends, how are you today? Did you have an enjoyable weekend? What did you do? Are your churches open? Did you go? I have attended our church service from June, and I must admit I value more, the opportunity to worship with like-minded saints.  Every morning, I habitually sit at my kitchen window to spend time with the Lord.  Calmness and serenity settles over me, when I look at Gods wonderful creation. The trees, the birds as they flitter about in search for food, and the squirrels. Those squirrels are my favorite to watch.  They sit on the treetops as they quarrel with that friend over the pilfering of their acorns.  While at the same time, they eat the food of another.  Squirrels are the most selfish animals I’ve seen.  They seem to protect what’s theirs, while they seek the products of another.  Selfishness must be written in their tiny DNA.  

Ahh 2020, what a year! So many unforeseen changes, including a few unwanted changes. When we shut down in March, I wrongly assumed that our summer activities would continue as planned.  Well… I suppose that was shortsighted of me, wasn’t it? I suppose December may not necessarily bring any startling changes then, will it? I wonder what Christmas time will look like. What changes will these times bring our way? Has the voice of God gone silent? Does He still expect obedience in these trying times? Or can we negotiate under these circumstances? 

Matthew 5:45 is a good verse isn’t it?  People matter to God.  We will always matter to Him.  Every soul, (saved and unsaved) matter to Him.  We  matter to God.  He does good and He is good, and He rains good on everyone.  Some say its fate, karma, law of attraction, they say their good comes by the pulling up of their bootstraps, but we know differently.  We know that we will be left without excuse on that day.     

The truth is most of us would prefer to claim the good that comes our way as our own. This way we don’t have to share with others because it’s mine.   I will always look out for me first.  I will look out for you only when I am not affected.  It’s ingrained, we are not taught to be selfish, we have to learn to be unselfish. Selfishness is in our DNA, we were born with it, yes… I’m afraid that’s you too.  

A few years ago, thankfully when the girls were very young (babies still really) I suffered from a severe case of depression. This is my story, I’m sure this does not apply to everyone. But this is mine.  I went through this mental illness and let me assure anyone, who thinks differently, it is a mental illness, for about two years, maybe more. At the time, I did not realize that I was depressed. I just never wanted to leave my bed, until absolutely necessary, I preferred the dark, I didn’t care about me or even my well being, but for the girls, I would put in a bit of effort.  My thoughts were swarmed with words like, nobody loves me, God doesn’t care, He left me, He abandoned me.  

I do believe this crisis came as a result that for a moment, I believed that God had left me and because of this, I lost hope.  Hope…. Such a little word, but when it gone, what gives life meaning? And if my eyes are not on the Lord, then who gives me hope? If my hope can be found in temporary things such as house, job or clothes or shoes, perhaps even in a child or friends or spouse, when these are not realized, what happens now? What keeps us? 

Throughout this time in my life, I kept up with a few habits.  Don’t knock habits; good habits are good, they may not bring growth, but they will stabilize when needed.  I continued to read my Bible, I talked to the Lord and I kept a journal.  As I reread the journal, I realized I talked to the Lord, but I failed to listen when He spoke back.  I was doing all the talking; ‘where are You, Lord? ‘What about Your promises?’ Well, we know what the Lord says about His Word, right? ‘It will not return void’ in Isaiah 55:11. Eventually, the Lord does what He does best, He reigns. 

As I reread my journal, there was a resounding theme on each page.  Me, myself and I were the main topics and throughout each entry, there were countless mentions of me, myself and I.  Things were not going my way; I was not in control.  You see, my depression came about as a result of external forces; my circumstances contributed to my mental illness until I was consumed with it.  Day after day, when I inadvertently thought I was punishing God for supposedly not being there for me, I was indeed punishing myself.  Selfishness; is there a cure to this deadly disease? 

2020 has brought man’s selfishness to the forefront. We are so impatient with each other. Crime is on the rise and Christians have lost their way.  We took our eyes off our Savior and placed it on our circumstances. And instead of using this time to draw closer, we are pulling away.  We have given victory to the enemy.  Stay in the Word, friend, He will lead us back to Him.  Cry, moan, but just for moment, don’t stay there.  Only the enemy finds pleasure when we stay there, in this dark place.

 I have encouraged our girls, to ‘see’ people.  To truly become involved in the lives of people, pray for people, stand in the gap for others, love others, help others, thereby leaving us with less time to focus on us, while we trust the Lord to do what He does best; look out for our well-being. I think that’s the key… I see you; I will pray for you, I will stand in the gap for you, I will love you.  Will you do the same? 

43 Thoughts

  1. So true. We can be operating in selfishness both knowing and unknowingly and it’s by the revelation of the Holy Spirit that make’s us aware of that sin. I haven’t returned to the “church” building ever since the first & now second lockdown. I had always felt closer and more connected to God away from the building. God has taught me a lot of humbling lessons through this virus that allows me to continue to grow and become more bold in Him. God bless and continue to mould you more into His glorious image. Blessings! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this one! I am one that tends to lose hope it hard times, but every time I thinks things are a lost cause He does what He always does. He makes things happen according to His plan. I have struggled with mental health issues for many years, as do my children. It is hard to understand why they go through what they do, but I know that God has a purpose for everything. He will show it in time.
    Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amen!!!! We must be focused on Him, not the selfishness that comes when we consume ourselves with worry, fret, and anxiety!
    I love that you kept going through the motions of prayer, journaling, etc and that everything clicked together…what a growing, teachable time in your life that can still speak for Him even years later!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I love that inspiration!! Making Him the very first part of our day is so important, not that we won’t come across trouble throughout our day but our attitude is more apt to reflect Him because we chose Him at the start of the day!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for sharing your personal experience ma’am. True! – hope is what holds us in one piece and makes life meaningful.
    And yes, we are doing ourselves more harm by staying away from our source in our times of distress.
    Important lessons you are sharing with the girls. 🤗💯

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Love this post directly from your heart, so gently reminding us that all sin is in our DNA, but especially the sin of MMI (me, myself and I). Our family is struggling with the devastation of a family member spiraling into the depths of dementia. She knows it is happening and oh the heartbreak for us all. When the “word cutting” starts to happen we all have to remember and focus on the truth that it’s the disease it’s not her, but oh it can be so hard when it’s aimed at you personally. I confess my prayers have been one sided and focused on getting through the moment and/or the day. This pandemic makes it even more tragic because we can’t hold her hand, or hug her hard and remind her we love her, we miss her, and she is not the disease that consumes her. What would I or could I do without Him, my HOPE during this time, especially when she begs me to pray for her death. I am thankful that I have the Lord to hold me during this time and I pray the same hope for everyone as they walk their own hard journeys. Cling to God because to deny Him, or turn from Him means utter loneliness and we NEED His everything during especially during these hard times. Thank you always for bringing us back to the Father. Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, the selfishness of our humanness!

    I am reminded at the end of this post of a song by Hezikiah Walker called “ I need you to Survive.”…. 🎶 I pray for you, you pray for me, I love you, I need you to survive. You are important to me.

    I was praying today that God would help me not see situations as big, but let me see God as being bigger than my situations.

    Depression is very real and not fun to go through at all! I’m glad Jesus brought you out! 🙌🏼🎶

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Ah, what a beautiful post, Brenda!
    Those little lies we believe are so dangerous. They balloon and engulf us, like little flames becoming raging fires. Thank God for His living water! Thank God for His Word that never returns to Him void! I love the picture of how He blessed your obedience in reading His Word, how He walked through your valley with you, how beautiful He made you.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Ephesians 6:10-18 has been coming up over and over for me this week. This battle belongs to the Lord and we can trust Him to fight for us. Thanks for a great post and know that you are not alone in suffering depression. I think it’s part of the Christian journey ( and motherhood) for many people but thankfully God doesn’t abandon us!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Even Christians can become depressed, but God never leaves us nor forsakes us. In my darkest hours He was always with me; sometimes just a whisper, but He was there….and eventually I came back into the light and knew that He had truly walked with through the valley of the shadow of death. Thank you for sharing. It helps to know that as Christians we can comfort one another and share our common experiences together.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Good words of encouragement I needed today. I have not been blogging or reading for awhile – and I have missed your posts. Struggling right now because my youngest son just received a very bad diagnosis from the doctors and I confess I have been a little angry with God. Thanks for the reminder. He is there. Even in difficult times.

    Liked by 3 people

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