Hey friends, how are you today? Did you have an enjoyable weekend? What did you do? Are your churches open? Did you go? I have attended our church service from June, and I must admit I value more, the opportunity to worship with like-minded saints. Every morning, I habitually sit at my kitchen window to spend time with the Lord. Calmness and serenity settles over me, when I look at Gods wonderful creation. The trees, the birds as they flitter about in search for food, and the squirrels. Those squirrels are my favorite to watch. They sit on the treetops as they quarrel with that friend over the pilfering of their acorns. While at the same time, they eat the food of another. Squirrels are the most selfish animals I’ve seen. They seem to protect what’s theirs, while they seek the products of another. Selfishness must be written in their tiny DNA.
Ahh 2020, what a year! So many unforeseen changes, including a few unwanted changes. When we shut down in March, I wrongly assumed that our summer activities would continue as planned. Well… I suppose that was shortsighted of me, wasn’t it? I suppose December may not necessarily bring any startling changes then, will it? I wonder what Christmas time will look like. What changes will these times bring our way? Has the voice of God gone silent? Does He still expect obedience in these trying times? Or can we negotiate under these circumstances?
Matthew 5:45 is a good verse isn’t it? People matter to God. We will always matter to Him. Every soul, (saved and unsaved) matter to Him. We matter to God. He does good and He is good, and He rains good on everyone. Some say its fate, karma, law of attraction, they say their good comes by the pulling up of their bootstraps, but we know differently. We know that we will be left without excuse on that day.
The truth is most of us would prefer to claim the good that comes our way as our own. This way we don’t have to share with others because it’s mine. I will always look out for me first. I will look out for you only when I am not affected. It’s ingrained, we are not taught to be selfish, we have to learn to be unselfish. Selfishness is in our DNA, we were born with it, yes… I’m afraid that’s you too.
A few years ago, thankfully when the girls were very young (babies still really) I suffered from a severe case of depression. This is my story, I’m sure this does not apply to everyone. But this is mine. I went through this mental illness and let me assure anyone, who thinks differently, it is a mental illness, for about two years, maybe more. At the time, I did not realize that I was depressed. I just never wanted to leave my bed, until absolutely necessary, I preferred the dark, I didn’t care about me or even my well being, but for the girls, I would put in a bit of effort. My thoughts were swarmed with words like, nobody loves me, God doesn’t care, He left me, He abandoned me.
I do believe this crisis came as a result that for a moment, I believed that God had left me and because of this, I lost hope. Hope…. Such a little word, but when it gone, what gives life meaning? And if my eyes are not on the Lord, then who gives me hope? If my hope can be found in temporary things such as house, job or clothes or shoes, perhaps even in a child or friends or spouse, when these are not realized, what happens now? What keeps us?
Throughout this time in my life, I kept up with a few habits. Don’t knock habits; good habits are good, they may not bring growth, but they will stabilize when needed. I continued to read my Bible, I talked to the Lord and I kept a journal. As I reread the journal, I realized I talked to the Lord, but I failed to listen when He spoke back. I was doing all the talking; ‘where are You, Lord? ‘What about Your promises?’ Well, we know what the Lord says about His Word, right? ‘It will not return void’ in Isaiah 55:11. Eventually, the Lord does what He does best, He reigns.
As I reread my journal, there was a resounding theme on each page. Me, myself and I were the main topics and throughout each entry, there were countless mentions of me, myself and I. Things were not going my way; I was not in control. You see, my depression came about as a result of external forces; my circumstances contributed to my mental illness until I was consumed with it. Day after day, when I inadvertently thought I was punishing God for supposedly not being there for me, I was indeed punishing myself. Selfishness; is there a cure to this deadly disease?
2020 has brought man’s selfishness to the forefront. We are so impatient with each other. Crime is on the rise and Christians have lost their way. We took our eyes off our Savior and placed it on our circumstances. And instead of using this time to draw closer, we are pulling away. We have given victory to the enemy. Stay in the Word, friend, He will lead us back to Him. Cry, moan, but just for moment, don’t stay there. Only the enemy finds pleasure when we stay there, in this dark place.
I have encouraged our girls, to ‘see’ people. To truly become involved in the lives of people, pray for people, stand in the gap for others, love others, help others, thereby leaving us with less time to focus on us, while we trust the Lord to do what He does best; look out for our well-being. I think that’s the key… I see you; I will pray for you, I will stand in the gap for you, I will love you. Will you do the same?