I’M NOT DOING SO GOOD

Hey friends, how are you doing today? Just today, don’t look back, don’t look into the future; how are you today? We’ve been enjoying the best weather here, in my neck of the woods.  Although some may say, (at times, I say the same) the heat index has been a bit high.  Lately, I will have to admit, our average temperature has been around 85°.  Our AC’s and fans have been running for at least a month now and our rainfall has been a bit negligible.  Every time I think to complain about the heat, I am reminded that winter is coming and immediately I am thankful.  I remind myself of winter’s normal temperature and I say, ‘thank You, Lord, for the heat’.

I like structure and order.  I am easily anxious and overwhelmed when there are unexpected interruptions to my schedule.  I am an all in or nothing kind of person; either I’m doing it all or I’m doing nothing.  The Lord saved my life literally, by calling me to Himself as a child.   Sometimes, I try to imagine my life without Christ and believe me, when I say it would more than likely, not turn out well for me.  

I am not easily a people person.  I like my own company, most of my hobbies do not invite people in my space.  My favorites are reading and running, I also enjoy shopping and writing; these do not need other people’s company.  

2020 has been challenging, needless to say.  God loves people, do you know that? He died for people.  He is right now preparing a place for people and He delights in the process of renewing and remodeling people.  He takes pleasure when people enter His presence, when they spend time with Him, He is honored.  He treasures people.   Not like me, at all, in fact, I am obviously quite the opposite and 2020 isn’t really helping at this point.  

Before 2020 arrived, we were making progress, the Lord placed me in positions, that demanded I spend time with people.  Slowly but surely, He renewed my mind and He allowed me to see, that this life was never just about Him and me, like I used to think.  It’s not me and God against the world, it was never just me and Him.  Having a husband and then later, kids, helped a bit in this regard, but I can be stuck in my ways and it took the Lord a few more years, to show me that He is all about others too.  I know, I know! I was a bit conceited; I admit it.  

Well have I said, 2020 isn’t helping.  Calls are coming in on my phone, rather than going out.  I have spent more time at home, than I have probably ever spent before.  Even on the days, I have to leave, I can’t wait to get back home and close the door.  Our mall have been opened now for a few weeks, I haven’t been, not even with the girls.  Did I tell you already, I’m an all or nothing person? I need structure and order, or at least I need my perception of structure and order.  

This morning, as I spent time with the Lord, I had an epiphany.  I would hate to look back on 2020 with nothing to commend it.  Wouldn’t that be sad? 12 months, 366 days (because this year was also a leap year) and I just existed; no highs, no lows, just a flat line of breathe in and breathe out.  A whole year, well not exactly the whole year, but it may seem like it, if I do nothing different.  But that’s the beauty of time, right? Doing differently…

How thankful I am that I know the Lord as my Savior.  How thankful I am, that He will not leave me, where I am; how grateful I am that He desires more for me, than just mere existence! How thankful I am for forgiveness and much grace and mercy.  Truly, I am blessed beyond measure and today, I will count my blessings one by one.  

Today I will start again; anyway, that’s how I’m doing, thank you for asking.  How are you doing? 

Let’s continue the conversation over on Instagram. Follow my Instagram and I will follow back, just let me know in the comment section. I would love to meet you 🙂

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