I’M NOT DOING SO GOOD

Hey friends, how are you doing today? Just today, don’t look back, don’t look into the future; how are you today? We’ve been enjoying the best weather here, in my neck of the woods.  Although some may say, (at times, I say the same) the heat index has been a bit high.  Lately, I will have to admit, our average temperature has been around 85°.  Our AC’s and fans have been running for at least a month now and our rainfall has been a bit negligible.  Every time I think to complain about the heat, I am reminded that winter is coming and immediately I am thankful.  I remind myself of winter’s normal temperature and I say, ‘thank You, Lord, for the heat’.

I like structure and order.  I am easily anxious and overwhelmed when there are unexpected interruptions to my schedule.  I am an all in or nothing kind of person; either I’m doing it all or I’m doing nothing.  The Lord saved my life literally, by calling me to Himself as a child.   Sometimes, I try to imagine my life without Christ and believe me, when I say it would more than likely, not turn out well for me.  

I am not easily a people person.  I like my own company, most of my hobbies do not invite people in my space.  My favorites are reading and running, I also enjoy shopping and writing; these do not need other people’s company.  

2020 has been challenging, needless to say.  God loves people, do you know that? He died for people.  He is right now preparing a place for people and He delights in the process of renewing and remodeling people.  He takes pleasure when people enter His presence, when they spend time with Him, He is honored.  He treasures people.   Not like me, at all, in fact, I am obviously quite the opposite and 2020 isn’t really helping at this point.  

Before 2020 arrived, we were making progress, the Lord placed me in positions, that demanded I spend time with people.  Slowly but surely, He renewed my mind and He allowed me to see, that this life was never just about Him and me, like I used to think.  It’s not me and God against the world, it was never just me and Him.  Having a husband and then later, kids, helped a bit in this regard, but I can be stuck in my ways and it took the Lord a few more years, to show me that He is all about others too.  I know, I know! I was a bit conceited; I admit it.  

Well have I said, 2020 isn’t helping.  Calls are coming in on my phone, rather than going out.  I have spent more time at home, than I have probably ever spent before.  Even on the days, I have to leave, I can’t wait to get back home and close the door.  Our mall have been opened now for a few weeks, I haven’t been, not even with the girls.  Did I tell you already, I’m an all or nothing person? I need structure and order, or at least I need my perception of structure and order.  

This morning, as I spent time with the Lord, I had an epiphany.  I would hate to look back on 2020 with nothing to commend it.  Wouldn’t that be sad? 12 months, 366 days (because this year was also a leap year) and I just existed; no highs, no lows, just a flat line of breathe in and breathe out.  A whole year, well not exactly the whole year, but it may seem like it, if I do nothing different.  But that’s the beauty of time, right? Doing differently…

How thankful I am that I know the Lord as my Savior.  How thankful I am, that He will not leave me, where I am; how grateful I am that He desires more for me, than just mere existence! How thankful I am for forgiveness and much grace and mercy.  Truly, I am blessed beyond measure and today, I will count my blessings one by one.  

Today I will start again; anyway, that’s how I’m doing, thank you for asking.  How are you doing? 

Let’s continue the conversation over on Instagram. Follow my Instagram and I will follow back, just let me know in the comment section. I would love to meet you 🙂

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53 Thoughts

  1. Great blog, I can relate to the all in or nothing at all. I also have two girls except they are 1.5 and 3.5 yrs old so this quarantine is really strengthening me. I am the opposite I love to be around people so that’s been the hard part about this quarantine. God is all about His people. And your right there is a lot to be thankful for. And a lot to look forward to do in 2020. Thanks for reading my blog.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I understand Brenda! I too enjoy my own company.
    To talk on the phone for me is such a challenge & struggle especially since having chronic health conditions. I would prefer face to face but we have CoVid happening!
    Blessings,
    Jennifer

    Liked by 3 people

  3. A big hug to you ma’am. 2020 may have been pretty unexpected, but you have a God bigger than it all. Take it a day at a time and try to focus on the things you’ve been able to achieve. It may be that new skill or more time with family. There are blessings even in the seemingly little things. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This has been a challenging season for me as well, but it is teaching me so much about God’s mercy and grace. It definitely takes some difficult and unsettling lessons to open our eyes to new things and Jesus’ way. Wonderful post, Brenda. Thanks for sharing, friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I think we need to give ourselves grace during this time. God gives us his grace.
    For me it has been readjusting my focus. It has not been easy to miss out on visiting people in their homes and seeing students in person.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. This is such a hard year. And so confusing. There is a battle going on all around us, and I, for one, am not quite sure how to fight this battle. Except prayer. Doing more of that, although not enough. I hope you are able to continue to focus on the now, and the good and trust God. I have it easy right now, working from home, everything I need. But the current circumstances will not support a locked down economy, isolated people, and children who can not be children, long term. I am scared for our future, but trusting God’s got his plan, and I’m in it. Someday we will be partying in HEAVEN! 😊🤗💙🙏🏻

    Liked by 2 people

  7. And yet, you share yourself with those of us blessed enough to read your blog. You point to the Savior. You share your joy and struggles. God is using you in 2020, but I know what you mean! Asking Him now to show us both what ways He wants to use us even more!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Thank you for the reminder and challenge to make 2020 matter in the Lord’s eyes. I must admit, I’ve just been treading water these past few months. Regardless of the times we face, we must face them confidently in God’s grace! Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. It is hard to mature in the Lord, and to continue learning that I have to mature in the Lord. 🙄 He reminds me ever so gently that I still hang onto things that need changing. He teaches me every day to let go, to receive the gifts He offers so graciously.
    I do love reading your wisdom, Brenda. Thank you for sharing yourself.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Love this as I live my life “one day at time” trying my best to “keep it simple”. Often having my daily reprieve be several times a day. I have to ask God over and over for me to not over think or analyze things to pieces. I analyze analyzing lol. God keeps me grounded, and centered. It is beautifully hot here at 96 degrees. I am 3 months post dbl mastectomy and recovering phenomenally well. So I am laying out in the sun. This is not my mountain biking day. I can’t imagine my life today in this world without my relationship with my Lord, and Savior. So I am well just for the moment, and check back maybe I will be back on bended knee asking Him once again to take ALL of me! Blessings! I too am easily anxious! 😔

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Dear Brenda! I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. You have so much to offer through your Holy Spirit inspired writing. Maybe try putting extra time into that to keep you focused? Also, I hope you’ll get out and do some thrifting as I know that makes you happy. 🙂 Praying for you!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Hi Brenda,
    I appreciate your honesty. I, too, have been convicted lately that if I look back on this year, have I wasted it? Every day there seems to be something else that lines up with what God tells us will come in the last days before His return. I love studying prophecy, so I’ve read a lot lately, and my mind has been distracted/consumed with what is going on. Thanks for your honest reminder that each new day is a new start, to do better in listening, obeying, and following our Savior. I just told the Lord I look forward to meeting you one day in heaven. I pray God’s blessing and protection over you and your family as you continue to make Him known!
    Sheila

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, my friend. It’s so easy to let one day become the next, pretty soon a week has passed and we are still there. In spite of the happenings of this world, there is still so much life to be lived. Let’s live life

      Like

  13. Good Morning! My emotions are all over the place and they have been for several days. Seems like these keep coming at the end of a pretty good day. Whew! I don’t like it. Tired of it. BUT, I think I may have some insight and as always I search for the answers. Calling to the deep and it is answers.

    Liked by 4 people

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