Hey friends, how was your weekend? Have you gone on vacation yet? Do you have any plans to go on vacation for the summer? I love summer time, I love the temperature, I love the sunshine, I love the smiles on people’s faces.  I enjoy their desire to initiate conversation, I relish the compliments and encouragements, they are so ready to give to anyone, who even looks at them. I love summer time! One of my favorite activities during the summer is the opportunity to spend precious time with my family.  Especially with both girls now at college, summertime is special.  Although I can’t say summertime is my absolute favorite season, it’s not far off.  

Do you think marriage is all about us? In the early years of our marriage, I totally believed it was; more specifI thought marriage was all about me.  I believed that now I was married, Benny would supply all my needs.  We would have the perfect marriage, after all, we were both Christians and we both loved the Lord.  Before we were married, we maintained a bible study together, we were counseled.   We did everything right, what could possibly go wrong? Naiveté isn’t always an attractive trait.  I realize now, that I had a very skewed expectation of Benny’s role. 

celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary

Mere man isn’t capable to fulfilling us; that role belongs to the Lord.  Too many times, young women, yes Christian women, myself included at one time, enter marriage with the belief that this man will make me happy.  He will bring with him that joy and laughter and peace that my soul craves.  He is that beacon in the darkness. Sweetheart, that’s too much pressure on the poor man, he too maybe looking for someone to provide that laughter, joy and peace, because he doesn’t have it.  Peace and joy are found in the Lord.  He completes you.  He alone can fulfill you.  Your joy must be found in Him. 

Don’t make that man the center of your universe (again that position belongs to the Lord).  In the first two years of our marriage, I literally clung to Benny so tightly, that I more than likely suffocated him.  I believed that because most of my friends were unmarried, we couldn’t be friends.  I foolishly thought somehow, we no longer had anything in common.  Really! Did I cease being Brenda, now that I am married?  How did I (me) change? A ring was placed on my finger, I became a wife, but did that mean I was no longer the person I was the day before, I got married? What was I thinking! Sorry Honey, I don’t know why I thought that was necessary.  Don’t do it, friends, come together, be a union, but don’t neglect that individual person that the God of Heaven created. Your husband isn’t an extension of you; you both need people, friends, in your life.  Value the friendships the Lord has placed in your life, you will need them.  

Submission isn’t a dirty word.  It is actually a command from the Lord; obedience is non negotiable. Submission always involves sacrifice.  Usually if the decision Benny has made is not very important to me, it’s okay to go along with whatever plans he’s made.  BUT if that decision matters, if he wants to go this way and I think the best course of action requires that we go that way, then submission must be the way to go.  The Lord requires that I trust Him, lay down my armor, wave my white flag, and allow my husband the final say.  Submission isn’t easy, it goes against everything I am.   No, husbands don’t know everything; yes, more likely they will make wrong decisions sometimes, but that’s why we trust the Lord to finish what He started.  He will reward our obedience. What He will not bless is disobedience.  Submission isn’t predicated on our husband’s obedience either, did you know that? 

Perfection in a man, just because he is a Christian and he loves the Lord is impossible to attain.  Monitor your thoughts.  Don’t allow the enemy a foothold, he will take hold and soon after, your actions will display your thoughts.  Don’t dwell on the sins/mistakes of your spouse. Deal with it immediately, commit it to the Lord and apply much forgiveness, grace and mercy.  Remember talking about something your spouse does does not necessarily mean change will take place.  Prayer works, utilize it. Don’t worry, you too, will need much forgiveness, grace and mercy.

Surround yourself with older, godly women.  You need their wisdom and their experience; trust me, you do.  They help in providing balance.  It’s hard at times, to fully grasp the depth of our self-centeredness in marriage, believe me, it’s so instinctive, we may actually believe that we deserve it. Godly, older women help us to remove the wool from our eyes.  

Maintain a faithful relationship with the Lord. In spite of everything that maybe going on around you, maintain a faithful, devotional life.  Pray, specifically for your spouse.  Talk to the Lord about him, tell the Lord his faults, if you must. If you do, don’t be surprised when the Lord shines a mirror on yours.  Remember your marriage is a ministry which at its core, should always bring glory to our Heavenly Father. 

What are a few of your tidbits to help out those coming after? 

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37 responses to ““I DO” TO WHAT, EXACTLY?”

    • the sad truth is they probably will still not hear nor understand until they are actually there. Although I was told before marriage, for whatever reason I thought my marriage would be different. I think the real problem is that we see marriage as an entity outside of it. As if marriage is a ‘thing’ that has a mind of its own. Rather than two sinful people who really, really need the Lord

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s very true! It is one thing to look at something from the outside and believe ignorantly, well, my situation will be different. I think it helps if a person is willing to be more truthful and honest about the situation. But like you said, in some cases, a person just never really knows until they are in that situation.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Love this – so good.
    That submission thing is big. AND we must combine it with grace. My husband can detect my feelings really well, and it doesn’t look good on me when my mouth (obedience) doesn’t match my eyes & face (disagreement). I must consciously include the love and respect.


  2. Brenda, beautiful advice and wisdom!! Thanks for writing this!! I’ve also had the word submission on my mind so this is great timing!! I love this part: ‘Pray, specifically for your spouse.  Talk to Lord about him, tell the Lord his faults, if you must. If you do, don’t be surprised when the Lord shines a mirror on yours.’

    I pray your summer months are blessed!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Talk to Lord about him, tell the Lord his faults, if you must. If you do, don’t be surprised when the Lord shines a mirror on yours.” I chuckled at this one 🙂 It used to get me every. single. time. So now I approach it as, Help US deal with this issue. Can you make US better at handling this other issue. Lol. Every. Time. 🙂 Excellent post…and while I heard some of this before marriage, it didn’t sink in until much later. Unfortunately, I struggled (and still do!) with selfishness so much in our marriage. Also submission…I don’t like to do it. I am working on that one 😉 God Bless!

    Liked by 2 people

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