Hey friends, how are you today? It’s a beautiful day in my neighborhood. As a matter of fact, that has been the beauty for most of last week. We’ve had above normal temperatures, blue skies with lots of sunshine. Have I told you I love days like these?
How are you though? Did you attend service on Sunday? Are you a Sunday worshipper, like me? Perhaps you are an online worshipper? Why do you not attend church?
On Friday, our family participated in a church bowling fellowship. The time spent with some of the ladies from our church was exactly what my soul needed. Then Sunday, after service we went out with a few of other members to celebrate Pastors’ appreciation. Again, it was absolutely perfect.
It takes me a minute to attend social events, even though I know I will be surrounded by friends and family. Even our church social events. Believe it or not, I’m not sociable person by nature. I want to say I love people, but I’m not sociable. Huh! That sounds like an ironic statement. Who am I loving, when I deliberately stay away? How do I demonstrate love when I’m not there? Is love an imaginary word? An obscure word?
Lately that word, ‘love’ has been coming up again and again around me. Do you suppose the Lord wants my attention? Love people, love people, love people. Okay, ok, I got it! But is it as easy as that? Love people. But only those far away, right? What about those in my physical family? What about those in my spiritual family? Love people, love people.
Believe it or not, I’m sure, like me, we know the answers to most of the love people questions. Who should we love? Everyone. Why should we love people? Because the Lord told us to and because He loved us first. When should we love them? At all times. How should we love? We demonstrate love. Not hard at all, right?
Then why is divorce so high among us as Christians? Why are pastors’ leaving the pulpit? Why is ‘church hurt’ a thing? Why are we called ‘hypocrites? Why are we all ‘protecting our peace? Is that a thing we ought to be intentionally doing as Christians? I have questions, friends. But where is the answer?
We’ve all heard the saying, ‘hurting people, hurt people’. Why are we never prepared for the ‘hurt’? Why are our expectations so high? Loving people is really not hard at all, right? Especially when I’m loved in return. From some people, I can still love them, even when I’m not loved by them. Because I never expected them to love me anyway. See that word there? That word…expect…. That word ‘expect’ comes with a lot of expectations.
I expect my husband to love me. I expect my daughters to love me. I expect my family to love me. I expect my church family to love me. I expect it. Even though I do not say the words. I do expect it. How do I demonstrate that expectation, you ask? I’m glad you ask. I show my vulnerabilities. I allow them to see the not so ‘perfect’ side of me. My flaws are on display for their gaze. I expect us to laugh about it. I expect that we will lovingly talk about behavior adjustments. I expect for love to be the foundation of any admonishment or critic. I expect it.
I do not expect cruelty from them. I do not expect slander. I do not expect abandonment. I do not expect inconsideration, nor do I expect contempt. I never see that coming because you see, I love them. And they know I love them because I show it. I love them because I am expected to love them. I love them because the Lord says I ought to love them.
I love them because they have not yet failed to meet the expectations. Family members are expected to love each other. Family members are expected to protect each other. We are expected to protect the physical, emotional and spiritual sides of each other. We are expected to trust each other. Ahhh these expectations… what will become of us?
I think if I see love as between just the two of us, I have a very narrow view of love. I have a rather selfish love for you. My love comes with expectations, you see. Love with expectations is not godly, is it? That kind of love is limited. That kind of love is dependent on people. The Bible tells we have no clue the depth of our depravity.
Spite and malice, slander and abandonment is not only assigned to the ‘other’ person. We’ve all been there at one time. We just have different names for it, like ‘protecting our peace’.
As you can perhaps tell, this phrase tickles my hearing. What is your understanding of this phrase ‘protecting my peace’? What does it mean to you? Have you embraced it? How did you do that if you did?
3 responses to “LOVE: EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY (PART 1)”
I’m not familiar with the phrase, “I’m protecting my peace”, either. I’ve done it, though. Two of my adult sons struggle with alcohol and drug abuse, plus mental illness. They have each gotten into trouble with the law for their addictions and conditions. Their step-mother and I had to step out of their circle of codependency—to protect ourselves, but also them. We have spend thousands of dollars trying to help them, but to no real avail, at least not right yet.
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We all have spiritual gifts; loving people happens to be one of mine. I forgive freely and without reservation; I want good things for everyone I encounter, friend or foe. I care about how any given person is doing, and whenever it is in my power to do good for another, I do so. I recognize that it is unfair that all this comes easily to me. So when others struggle to be forgiving, generous, caring, or charitable, I do not hold it against them… instead, I just love them a bit more, by praying for them, and staying open to giving them what they need when I can. I don’t take it personally when someone is angry at me, or unkind to me, or rejects me. These things, however, are not as easy for me- it can be discouraging when people criticize me, say or do hurtful/angry things, or reject or exclude me. But when I ask God to help me, I can feel His love for me, and it gives me strength. I can be strong in Him. What I have found is that humility is the key to love. I look at the example of my savior Jesus. He is meek. I strive to see all people as children of God, and therefore my own family. And I remember often the words spoken about charity (the pure love of Christ)- love is patient, love is kind…There are many people in my life that treat me as their enemy, despite my best efforts to do right by them. And I pray for them every single night- I pray that they will feel God’s love, and that He will provide for their needs. Because of their anger towards me, I cannot extend more service or care to them, but the moment they decide to forgive me and allow me to interact with them again, I do not hold on to the past. My sister-in-law is one of those people who was angry at me; it took years but eventually she forgave me and we are friendly now. I make mistakes, and accidentally offend people sometimes (I am autistic and struggle to read social cues correctly). I have learned that I can not fix the past, but I can (and do strive to) learn from my mistakes and attempt to be better as I move forward in life.
I think maybe one of the hardest parts of love is forgiveness. But I also think you can’t truly love others until you learn to forgive them for their mistakes. And you also can’t truly love others without owning your own mistakes and flaws, and being willing to say you were wrong. Faith in God makes all of that easier for me- I know God forgives me, and He forgives them, so I try to leave it in His hands. I let His love envelop me and heal me, and then I try to extend that same patient and forgiving love to others.
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Wow, Brenda, this is a thought-provoking post! I do not use the phrase “protecting my peace” but do I like my own space 🙂 And I truly desire “the peace that passes understanding.”
As for love, even those who love us will sometimes disappoint and we can expect that. Our human love is conditional. Only God’s love is always reliable, unselfish, and unconditional. We can depend on Him and try to imitate His love in our relationships. Just my thoughts…
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