Becoming HIS Tapestry

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AND THEN WE GOT MARRIED

Hey friends, how are you today? It’s another beautiful day in my neck of the woods.   The Lord has surely blessed us with beautiful days.  Happy second day of July, friends.  It is the start to the second half of the year.  Six months have gone by, I want to slow down time, but she just keeps marching past.  I do thank the Lord for time.  New days are good for me for they are filled with new grace and mercy, sufficient just for that day.

JULY BRINGS TIME

New days are great do-over days.  They provide new opportunities to grow and draw near to the God of the universe.  New days provide the time to do better and to be better.  Rather than scold the swift passage of time, I do believe I will take the time to become more like Christ.  

JULY HERALDS OUR 30TH ANNIVERSARY

July will also see hubby and my thirtieth wedding anniversary.  My goodness! 30 years of marriage, sometimes that number startles me.  I’ve spent more time with this man than any other person, except myself.  Thankfully the Lord granted me the privilege of a relationship with Him before we got married.  But even that relationship with the Lord did not spare us from the trials and tribulations of our married life.  In spite of all the trials and tribulations though, you can still find us with hands held together, with the words, “I love you” leaving our lips and with the actions to back up the words.  How did we get there? The Lord plus time equal grace upon grace upon grace.  To our God be all the glory.  

HE SHOWED ME… ME

The Lord has used this relationship to grow and stretch me far more than I thought I was capable.  He has used this marital relationship to show me more about myself than I wanted to see.  I thought I was much better before I got married and even for years after we were married.  I thought I was more godly, more righteous.  I thought I was pretty perfect and then we got married.  And every time I complained to the Lord about this man, He showed me… me.  And there was nothing pretty about me.  He showed me how I allowed others to dictate my relationship with Him.  I didn’t know this about myself, you see.  

I always told our girls to be careful if peer pressure and yet here I was holding someone else responsible for my relationship with the Lord.  Ahh Lord, forgive me.

SUBMISSION; THAT DIRTY WORD!

Submission is such a dirty word, isn’t it? Wives, come a little closer, closer still, ok let me share with you a little secret; God’s Word is not negotiable! I know!! Who knew!! Obedience to the Word of God is not dependent on whether my husband obeys it or not.  I know! I know! I didn’t want to believe it either when I first heard it. After all, didn’t the Lord make him the head of the house!? Isn’t it his responsibility to obey first!? I certainly thought so and acted accordingly. 

MY LIFE… MY RESPONSIBILITY

I thought there was no reason for me to submit to my husband’s lead if he didn’t love me as ‘Christ loved the church’. What a revelation it was to me, when I found out that as an individual, my relationship with the Lord is to some extent, independent of my husband’s. Many people accept their illnesses and mental issues as theirs; for example, recently someone shared with me their battle with ‘my’ anxiety and ‘my’ depression, but few take responsibility for ‘my’ relationship with the Lord.  For too many years, I held ‘others’ responsible for my disobedience to the Word of God.  ‘He didn’t do this, so I will not do that’, but who will I answer to on that day? Him/them or the Lord? 

I’M NOT PRETTY

After almost thirty years, I have concluded that the man the Lord gave to me is very imperfect (yea… I certainly more from him).  There are times, he fails to love me as he should.  There are times, he says words that inflict hurt, sometimes intentionally (don’t feel sorry for me because there are days; and intentionally too, I do the same).  There are times when I repeat the same sentence(s) five times because he listens not, and there are several times, other imperfections come through loud and clear.  But my obedience to the Word of God is never dependent on whether he obeys or not.  

IT IS ALL MINE

There are a number of commands the Lord gave to us as wives, but one which is an ongoing battle is Ephesians 5:22. Sometimes I remind the Lord, that it began with Eve (someone has to be blamed; it might as well be Mother Eve).  This verse is less hard when we look at the second part ‘as to the Lord’.  

AS TO THE LORD

‘As to the Lord’, not for his sake but for the Lord’s, perhaps even for the sake of the sons and daughters, we’ve been gifted.  ‘As to the Lord’ says in spite of him, we obey God.  ‘As to the Lord’ says I am responsible for my actions.  ‘As to the Lord’ leaves me without excuse for my disobedience to a direct command.  It was never a suggestion; it was never dependent on my husband’s obedience. 

MY IMPERFECTIONS

None of us are perfect, none of us have arrived, we are all in need of forgiveness, of grace and of mercy, that includes my sweetheart and that also includes me.  My happiness is not my husband’s responsibility, my emotional balance isn’t his responsibility either, that’s giving him too much credit and giving him the responsibility for something he cannot accomplish even if he tried.  

MY RESPONSIBILITY

Harmony begins with a consistent and vibrant relationship with the Lord, my relationship with the Lord is always my responsibility.  

Are you married? How many years? What have you learned? What did you wish you knew before? What advice can you share?

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35 responses to “AND THEN WE GOT MARRIED”

  6. “The Lord plus time equal grace upon grace upon grace. To our God be all the glory.“ Amen, Brenda!

    My wife and I base our twenty two year marriage (2nd one for both of us) on mutual submission—first to God, and then to each other. We call it “3 makes 2”, and it works!
    Picture a triangle with God on top and one of us on the other two corners. We love each other and spend most of time together, but when tensions arise it’s the top of the triangle that keeps us together.

    Happy 30th Anniversary!

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    • I love that analogy, David. The triangle of God and us is beautiful. And that’s an accurate picture of our relationship with the Lord. Our God is the Head and we trust Him more than we do each other. Thanks for sharing, my friend

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  7. Happy anniversary and congratulations to you both! ❤

    Even though we married late (52 and 53, and first marriage), and thought we must both be quite mature, we found out marriage was harder and more wonderful than we expected.

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  10. Wise words, and happy anniversary! The Lord also uses my husband to show me…me! It’s crazy how often I will complain to our Father about my man, and He says, “Yes, but what about this bit of you right here?” 🙂

    Twenty-two years married after living as an atheist and “following my heart” from one sin to the other until I ended up pregnant. That’s when God stepped in and basically said, “Can you hear ME now?” Our marriage has never been easy, but it’s been very refining and wonderful because of it!

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  11. Brenda, Happy 30th anniversary! You’ve shared such wisdom, knowledge, and truth for us all! I’m no longer married, but I wish I could’ve celebrated 30 years! My relationship with Jesus is my first and foremost–and I’m so happy you both have that! God bless you!

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  15. My husband and I will celebrate 40 years this month. It was a second marriage for us both (my first husband had died and his first wife had walked away from the marriage and the children as well). We were a blended family and that was not always easy. But with God’s help we survived. 🙂 Today his children are mine and my girls are his. One thing we daily practice – we start and end the day with a kiss and we tell each other (by words and actions) “I love you” several times a day. We also start the day with a Bible devotion and prayer together. Our marriage is not perfect, but after 40 years we both believe that we are each other’s best friend. As we age the passion may have lessened, but the friendship our marriage is based on has only grown deeper. Congrats to you on 30 years. May you enjoy many more!

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