Hello my friends, how are you today? Just today, how are you doing? Over here, in my neck of the woods, the weather has been wonderful. We have had bouts of rains and thunderstorms, but throughout, the warm weather has persisted. We’ve been able to spend more time outdoors for which I am very grateful. This is the beginning of the first week without any kids in the house. It really has not been as bad as I expected. I am very thankful for my husband; he has refused to allow me to mope by ensuring that I get out of the house. We’ve been to the movies, shopping (my favorite) and just driving around. I love this man. 
Do you know that women are more likely to end a marriage than men? According to several viable sources including Psychology Today and Huffington Post, women file 70-80% of all divorces. It has also been cited in several articles of study that at least 50% of all “Christian” marriages end in divorce. That’s one out of every two marriages.
Ladies and gentlemen, you are loved without measure by the God of the Universe. You are uniquely created: you are one of a kind. You are beautiful in the sight of a merciful and gracious God. You are so loved that a Bridge to the Father was sent just for you, it is the precious Gift of salvation that can only be found through and in the Son of God; Jesus Christ. 
Secondly, God’s Word is not open to negotiation or compromise. Believe it or not, it’s for our good. Every Word of God is for our good. It is profitable for our spiritual growth. 
Of course, this post begins with the premise that physical harm of any kind is never acceptable nor should it be tolerated in any relationship.
Ladies, here are 10 steps to a better relationship.
- Seek the Lord, that’s not negotiable. Spend time in His Word and in prayer for yourself and for others, especially your spouse. And let’s not forget that little thing called obedience to His Word. Everything else will follow, He promised! [Matthew 6:33)
- Trust the Lord. Our depth of trust displays itself in our ability to obey; there’s that word again. Success, in every area in our lives, begins in obedience to the Word of God. As ladies, that’s easier said than done. We like to do things in set ways and it’s difficult to accept situations that do not align with our ways and schedules. Here’s a little secret, we’re not always right! I know! I was completely shocked too, when I found out. This may mean some adjusting, but it’s okay I promise, we will give thanks every time things don’t go our way. (Proverbs 3:5,6)
- Watch out for that desire to manipulate; you know, that need to control or influence or sway someone’s thinking. How can we tell when we are being manipulative? When the truth has even the slightest difficulty rolling off our tongue. We really have control issues, don’t we? I know that wisdom is referred to as ‘she’ in the Bible, BUT a little birdie told me, wisdom is found in keeping the Word of God. Wow! What’s up with that! (Proverbs 14:1,2)
- Speak up but watch that tone! In the early years of our marriage, my husband reminded me that he was not my student! Whoops! Truthfully that took a conscientious effort to stop the patronizing, disrespectful and at times nagging tone. Let’s speak of the things that frustrate, without belittling our spouse in any way. We would cringe if we could hear ourselves. (Proverbs 17:27,28)
- Submit to his authority. And that’s why we do not marry a non-Christian or someone who is not actively pursuing the Lord! Remember that pesky word that just keeps coming up? Obedience! Really, our willingness to allow our husbands to control our homes, displays our relationship with the Lord. It’s not easy to allow someone else to dictate the pace, but with the Lord’s help it’s possible. That does not mean we don’t speak of our wishes or desires, but the final decision, we leave with him. Trust the Lord enough to let go. (Ephesians 5:22,23)
- Have an abundance of forgiveness ready to go. Repeat after me; no one is perfect! That’s includes you and definitely our spouse. Lower the expectations. Don’t put them on a pedestal. Don’t replace God with them; these all hinder our capacity to forgive. Don’t keep an account of wrongs. Lower the expectations (did I already say that?) They are mere men; in need of grace and forgiveness. They will inflict pain, sometimes accidentally and yes, sometimes deliberately, sometimes in retaliation. Exercise that beautiful character the Father wants to cultivate in our lives. Believe me; we too will soon need some of that same grace and forgiveness too.(Romans 5:29)
- Marriage is not all about us and our emotional wellness. What!! Say it ain’t so! Marriage is God’s institution to mankind. He uses it to grow us into a deeper more meaningful relationship with Himself. I think every married person will agree with this statement: “marriage is hard work and expect the unexpected”. We have to work at it. Instead of asking what can marriage do for me, let’s ask rather, what can I do for the benefit of my marriage? (Proverbs 31:10-31)
- Watch the thoughts! Remember our battle is not against flesh and blood. Ladies we have an enemy. He knows that if he can control our thoughts negatively, the actions that follow will also have a negative impact. When our thoughts wander into the files that kept every wrong offense our spouse has committed, let’s talk to the Lord about it. Allow Him to change our thoughts. He has this sneaky way of showing us who we really are and reminds us that we are no better.(Jeremiah 17:9)
- Don’t compare our spouse to another man! Sorry, fathers are included in the list, especially when the comparisons leaves them lacking in any way. Do I even have to say why we should never, ever do this? Let me put it this way, how would we feel, if he compared us to another woman? Bring out the boxing gloves!Watch that desire to compare your relationship with another. It will profit us nothing and pretty soon, discontentment will set in. (Proverbs 31:11,12)
- Respect his feelings! It’s in there, even though he does not always express it. Men feel physical and emotional pain just like we do, let’s not forget that; it shows a distinct trait called vanity and self-centeredness, when we assign them the role of errand-boys. (Proverbs 31:30)
I’ve gone way past my self- allotted number of words. Hopefully, you got to the end. Ladies, dig really deep to find other character traits, the Lord is removing from your lives. Let’s learn from each other. Gentlemen, what are some things you wish women would know about you? Really, we want to know, but be gentle, as you probably know, our fragile hearts don’t handle criticism very well. 
Becoming HIS Tapestry 
I appreciate your thoughts here–even as a widow, I see where many of these can apply to all our relationships. I definitely remember working on many of these points! We were married 38 years–wonderful, blessed too short years.
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Praise the Lord, He gets the glory. 38 years does go by quickly doesn’t it? We have been married for 24 years and sometimes it seems as though I just blinked. Thank you for sharing
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We are approaching our 5th anniversary and I see so many areas where i need to improve as a wife. You touched on many of them in this blog. I know that manipulation and allowing him to have the final word in the decision are especially challenging for me. But I want to my part in having our marriage flourish.
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I have found it to be easy and almost second nature for me to manipulate to get my way 🙂 I have to be intentional and aware to avoid this trap. May God bless you in your marriage 🙂 Trust Him with the decisions
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Yes! Sometimes I feel like the only way to avoid manipulating is to withdraw- but then I think that is a form of manipulation too! Oh dear!
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🤣🤣🤣 I do understand 😂
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Great suggestions!!!!!
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praise the Lord, He gets the glory. He is surely good 🙂
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It took me a while to learn these- and even learning them didn’t equate to immediate smooth sailing- but I am so much more joyful in the Lord now than when I thought I had to always be right and control everything! Thank you for the reminder ❤
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Amen! These are ongoing lessons aren’t they? They are traits that must be intentional and too many times we react to our circumstances
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I see it all the time just getting those men to talk would be a blessing. I find it hard to help people who won’t open up, I don’t have that trouble with women.
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🤣🤣🤣 no, as women we have no problem talking; the problem is ‘opening our mouths with wisdom’ Proverbs 31:26
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Wisdom is supposed to be our sister, isn’t it?
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Amen!
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Great Post and good reminder of what it takes to be a Godly spouse!
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Praise the Lord, our sinful nature wars constantly against the principles of God’s Word. It takes being intentional to go against what we want to do to what the Word of God says to do
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Anytime I’m convicted that I’m manipulating, I remember Eve and how that didn’t work for her (or for any of us!) thank you!
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Amen 🙏🏽 to that. Unfortunately it’s almost second nature to most of us and it takes intentionality to go against ensuring things go our way
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Amen! This list is spot on. I would also like to add to pray for your spouse as much as you pray for yourself and others. Only God can change their hearts when there is a problem. I’m slowly but surely learning to pray for my husband when we I feel like he’s going against Gods commands. It’s the only way I can respect his authority along with Gods will.
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Amen! amen! Prayer isn’t our last resort when things go wrong. It is the best opportunity and blessing for ourselves and for our spouse.
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It is so important to make God the center of our relationship with each other. If you are both doing that, its unlikely to end in divorce.
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Amen! amen!!!! I can’t say enough Amen!! If we would follow His commands, the selfishness that usually is a part of us, would res=cede to the back. And the needs of others first 🙂
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Thank you thank you Brenda, we need this pinned up in our closets, next to the clothes we wear every day, just so that we can do a quick self-check every morning! Like checking your breasts. Haha. Or maybe we should just pin up the verses. When Christ is centre and we take the focus of each other and ourselves we become more like Jesus daily. So, by default we become more pleasant to live with, and be with, the more we mirror our Lord and Saviour. I’m praying for marriages today. Strong, healthy ones built on the rock of Christ. Lots of love, L.
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This statement right here should certainly be pinned up. “When Christ is centre and we take the focus of each other and ourselves we become more like Jesus daily”. That’s the only way to become unselfish, because naturally we are 🙂
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God pin these things on our hearts.
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Amen 🙏🏽
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Marriage is such a crazy journey. I always thank God for how blessed I really am when it comes to my husband. He’s not perfect by any stretch, but I ask God, “Where exactly did you find him?” And I’m so glad He did because it takes a certain personality type to deal with me, and he is it. Thank God for continuing to shine down on us, and continuing to guide us in this marriage process.
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And that’s right! 🙂 to consistently find joy in our husbands. Putting the Lord first helps us to continue to do that
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When God is first in marriage all else will fall in line. When we surrender self he is able to direct our words, our actions, our hearts ♥️ when we love our spouse as God Love’s us, With ready forgiveness and sacrificially, it is a recipe for success!
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Amen and amen! Beautifully said 😃
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Great advice here. Glad you have enjoyed your empty nest so far.
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A friend told me, I’m still in shock 😳 but I think the Lord has been good. The girls call every day (so far) which certainly helps.
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Thank you for always staying so true to God’s Word and speaking the truth always!!
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Praise the Lord. I was going to tell you I missed reading your blogs and realized without my consent I was no longer following you. I rectified that immediately 😃 love your blog posts
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Thank you very much. I really appreciate that! 🙂
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Oh, this is so good in so many ways. Very good list of 10. I would add, respect to their sexual needs, but I think a guy could better address that.
Thank you, Brenda. ❤
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🤣🤣🤣 I ask my husband to write a list and I do believe that was #1 😀😀 thanks Kathy, that’s a good one
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Very good post! I’ve been married now for 26 years and this is all critical to maintaining a good marriage. Some lessons I’ve learned over the years are right here in your list. Thank you for sharing God’s beautiful Word also. Blessings – Mandy
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Hooray to 26 years together, Mandy. Praise the Lord! Some of these lessons, I am still learning 😅😅 I thank the Lord for His absolute faithfulness
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This is a fantastic list!! I may be guilty of one, or two…or more of the things on this list 🙂 I wish I had seen it when I was younger….of course, I probably wouldn’t have listened because gosh darn it, I KNOW what I am doing, and I AM RIGHT! God is so very, very patient. And so very, very good to us. Thank goodness! Wonderful post! God Bless!!
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🤣🤣🤣 I know I definitely guilty of them all< how else did I come up with the list 😂😂 where would we be without God’s faithfulness? To our great God be all the glory
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I’ll be quoting #7 in a future post.
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Please go right ahead 😃 the Lord has really shown throughout the 24 years of marriage, how utterly selfish I was at times. Thankfully 😅 the Lord remained faithful . Praise the Lord
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Brenda, these are good things for us to think about and practice to help our relationship with our spouse. Putting God at the center of our marriage has helped so much esp. through times of disagreements, etc. Marriage is work along with enjoyment as God leads us. Blessings to you!
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Amen! Success in marriage so depends on our relationship with God; putting Him first is certainly the key. Thanks Gayl for commenting 🙂
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