Hey friends, how are you doing? How was your week? Yesterday, we enjoyed beautiful, refreshing, cooling rain for most of the day. I know … you can laugh if you want to; I’m so very sure the Lord is perhaps still shaking His Head. Just a few months ago, I could hardly find one good qualifier to describe the rain. It had rained for what seemed like most of the spring and I just had to have sunshine. Well… we left Atlanta with temperatures of over 90° only to arrive in our hometown with temperatures of …. (you guessed it) over 90°. It was a very beautiful, very sunny, very humid, very hot 95° with a heat index of 0ver 100. At the end of most summers, we count our 90° and over, on one hand. So far, I think we are well over ten and August isn’t even here yet! I’m not complaining though; I most certainly don’t want to go back to those rainy days.
Isn’t it interesting, how most of us think we want something, only when we have it, we realize perhaps that wasn’t ‘it’ after all? We promise ‘to have and to hold, in sickness and in health’, except when difficulties arrive on our doorstep, we quickly scramble out of the way. After the birth of our second daughter, Benny and I went through a rough patch.
On the heels of Anna’s birth, Benny’s family suffered some devastating news and he needed to be with them. But I just had a c-section, with a two year old and I wanted him with me. In hindsight I see now the selfishness, I (I guess we both did) demonstrated during this time. Truthfully, my mom and my family were there with me, every step of the way. They came to my home every single day to look after the girls, while I recuperated. They knew about Benny’s family and they wanted to help, by standing with me. But I felt like I was being regulated to second place in Benny’s life and I didn’t like it. It was not a pretty sight. If my parents would have had me, I probably would have left; but in their wisdom, they would not have it. Thank God for wise parents.
Of course, I could come up with a multiple of reasons why I was right, and Benny was wrong. In my eyes they seemed right, after all didn’t the Lord tell the man to leave his parents and cleave to his wife? Fascinating, how easy it is to take myself out the equation, when I am looking for support. But God is definitely impartial, isn’t He? In as much as Benny is the head of our home, the Lord didn’t assign me to an obscure position in the household. I have my own responsibilities that do not hinge, nor do they require any actions from Benny. When I see my duty, first to the God of creation, then to my family, then I don’t need external motivation to do what the Lord has called me to do, as a woman.
My personal time with the Lord Is a necessity. It isn’t optional, if my desire is to be the best wife and mom, the Lord has called me to be. I need to know the Word of God for myself and as an individual Christian, I am obligated to have my devotions; that never depends on Benny.
Obedience to the word of God is also my responsibility, not Benny’s, but mine. My name is written in the Book of Life, it is my job to know and to do what the Lord had commanded me. Spending time in the Word of God, with our spouse and family is invaluable, but that should not replace my personal time with the Lord. I need to cherish that time, because in His presence, I can share with Him the things that I can’t share with anyone else. I know that sometimes husbands think wives have no secrets… if they only knew. Thankfully the Lord knows, because He knows everything and because I’ve told Him.
It’s easier to speak up, when I remember who I am in Christ. I am not inferior to my man. We were created equal and are seen as equals in the sight of God but assigned to different roles with different responsibilities. I don’t want to be Benny, with his responsibilities (well most of the times) and I’m sure he doesn’t want to be me.
I need to, as much as lies within me, be available to my family. I can’t make myself so busy that my husband and kids are fending for themselves. The atmosphere in the home should be relaxed and safe. Unfortunately, marriage isn’t all about me (as I previously thought). As much as lies with me, my marriage should always bring glory to my Heavenly Father, that happens when I keep my eyes on Him.
I need to be aware of the needs of my family and do my best to meet those needs.
We can choose to keep our eyes on each other; on the things that this person is or isn’t doing, or we can choose to just do what the Lord has called us to do, while we stay in our lane. Marriage isn’t perfect, how can it be, when we are both imperfect? But if I (just me) do my part, while trusting the Lord to do His, then perhaps, because of me, there maybe more sunny days in their lives.
What are a few things you’ve learned on your life’s journey? Do share, we all can learn from each other. If you are divorced, tell us what you think went wrong; if you are married share your strengths, if you want to get married, share why.