Becoming HIS Tapestry

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WAIT! BEFORE YOU SAY ‘I DO’…

Hey friends, what are your plans for the rest of the summer? We have quite a few travel plans coming up, which I must admit, I am looking forward to, this summer.  As a wife, mom, homemaker and also someone who works outside the home, every trip is a good one.  The month of July takes us to Atlanta, Georgia and soon after, New York City. Although we live in NY, we are still about four hours away from NYC.  Then in August, we are off again to Ohio and then South Carolina.   I love long car journeys; they usually seem to foster better fellowship.  

NYC SKYLINE

Guess what? Benny and I will celebrate our twenty fifth wedding anniversary on the 30thof this month.  Twenty-five years married, twenty-seven years together; that’s older than some of you following this blog.  Wow! Every year, as the years continue to accumulate, I am amazed at the goodness and grace of our God.  In an age, when most Christian marriages end in divorce, the Lord has kept us together. All the glory belongs to the Lord. A couple at out church just celebrated sixty two years of marriage. Wow! The Lord has blessed our union with two beautiful girls. This is advice, I’ve had the honor to share with them, here are six things you should know and do, before you get married:

I think I might have been called bridezilla for a minute there: control issues

Marriage is a union between three people; man, woman and Holy God.  Everyone in this relationship has a specific job to perform (Genesis 2:24).  As a woman, my job is to submit to my husband’s authority (Ephesians 5:22-24; Titus 2:5, I Peter 3:5, Colossians 3:18), his job is love me (Ephesians 5:25, Colossians 3:19), our job is to submit to God’s authority (James 4:7) and to each other (Ephesians 5:21).  Our Lord is the literal glue that keeps the marriage together. He does that because He keeps us as individuals.  When one turns away from the Lord, the marriage is in jeopardy. Do your part; develop and nurture a consistent relationship with the Lord for yourself. Obedience to the Word of God is your responsibility; not ours, but yours.  Your relationship with the Lord is a personal walk and although spending time together with the Lord will definitely strengthen the bond with your future spouse, you need that alone time to grow and draw closer to the Lord.

As a Christian, your Lord is the Creator of the Universe, He is Holy and Righteous.  DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT KNOW THE LORD AS THEIR SAVIOR!  Did you get that?  This is very important, perhaps more important than anything else here.   I think the Lord says it very succinctly first; (II Corinthians 6:14) no need to add, well… let me just say this: if you find you have much in common with someone who isn’t a Christian , it’s probably because you’ve compromised your relationship with the Lord. 

Be counseled by a godly couple or your pastor, and please do listen to what you are hearing.  It’s harder, when you’ve grown up in the church, I will admit. You’ve heard it all before; more than likely, you’ve perhaps heard it a thousand times before. But marriage is forever isn’t it? Listen and take note; I promise, you will not regret it. You think now, its no big that he leaves the toilet seat up, but after a while; honey… that can become very frustrating.  

This is a big one too; deep breath. here goes: Lower the expectations for your future spouse. Let me say it again; lower the expectations. Perfection does not exist, we should always strive toward that goal, but grace, mercy and forgiveness are three of our closest friends. Be prepared to reach for these friends again and again. Also, keep these friends very close, because you will have to share them with your spouse.  Practice in the meantime with your immediate family and friends.  Are you quick to extend grace, mercy and forgiveness? If not, maybe you’re not as ready for marriage as you think.

Everything I’ve said here can be summed up in this: Christianity is your identity.  It is who you are; it sets the precedence for every decision, every action, every word. It is the foundation of your entire being.  The depth of your maturity in Christ will determine the type of spouse you will be.  Your identity as Christian comes before your role as a wife.  You are a Christian first, a wife second.  Believe it or not, the two are not co-partners; one sets the standard for the other. Your relationship with the Lord takes priority, it determines your relationship with your future spouse.  The closer and deeper your relationship with the Lord; the closer and deeper the relationship with your partner. 

Begin now to pray for your future spouse.  Get into the habit of bringing them before the Lord, ask the Lord to strengthen his/her bond with Him.  Remember, the one who says he loves you, loves the Lord more.  If he doesn’t love the Lord, perhaps his love can’t be trusted, because ultimately God is love.  

This list is in no way exhaustive, what are some other advice you would give to those desiring to be married? 

Let’s keep the conversation going over on Instagram. I’d love to ‘meet’ you. Follow my Instagram Page

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69 responses to “WAIT! BEFORE YOU SAY ‘I DO’…”

  2. Congratulations on 27 years!! That’s amazing. This is good advice, as someone who believes that I’ll be married one day, I’ve always felt a little odd praying for my future spouse, but As you pointed out it builds good practice to pray for my husband.

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  12. Congratulations 🎉🎈 pretty lady! That is quite an accomplishment. Wonderful post, I loved it. Very on point. We celebrated our 28th anniversary this year, crazy. God bless you and hubby for many more years.
    I love NYC, out of the places I’ve been in the US and out of the country NYC has been my very favorite. We go back again in January and I CANNOT WAIT😊🙌🏻 Big hugs💗🤗🙏🏻

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  13. Loved every single word, let’s turn this into a booklet to give the whole world 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽….congrats to you and your hubby on this wonderful milestone! May the Lord continue to multiply the joy and divide the sorrows 💐

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  14. So exciting!!! Early congrats!

    Amen, lowering expectations are so important! I think media has upped people’s, especially women’s, expectation of marriage. I’ve heard Christian teen girls talk about how they want to get into a relationship because of the Christian romance books they read and I try kindly to warn them. Life is not a novel.

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  16. Congrats Brenda! Cheers to more years of love and happiness. Regarding advice, it’s important for singles to know that a spouse won’t and can’t complete anyone. God does. It is very unjust to enter a marriage broken expecting your spouse to heal all your pain. Seek God before seeking for a spouse.

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    • amen and amen and amen 🙂 We cannot change people, neither can mere man bring us healing; that comes from the Lord. He can handle our brokenness and bring restoration. Thank for this comment, my friend, May the Lord bless you

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  17. “Grace, Mercy , and Forgiveness are three of our closest friends.” How true! A saying I will keep and refer to often. Without the truth of these words, we never would have made it. But God…
    We will hit 30 years on the 22 of this month. Congratulations on 25!

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  18. Happy travels! Congratulations on 25 years married! You’re one year ahead of us, and celebrating the same amount of years as my oldest brother and his wife. (This August)

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  20. This is some excellent advice! Congratulations on 25 years! That’s amazing! 🙂 My husband and I are celebrating 14 years today actually. July is a great month to get married, lol. I really like how you laid your advice out and gave the biblical scriptures to go along with it. Now if I can only remember to reference this article as our kids get older… God Bless!

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    • 🙂 🙂 Happy, happy anniversary, my friend 🙂 remind your husband that you are his prize 🙂 and get a manicure 🙂 🙂 or go to Cheesecake Factory; they have the best cheesecake on the market. I’ve told our girls, two of the most important decisions they will ever make in life is that of salvation and marriage. They are saved, now by the grace of God, they will not regret their marriage

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  21. Twenty-five years!! Congrats Brenda! That’s huge! Great advice to all of us married or unmarried! I don’t understand how people stay married without knowing God……marriage is hard. But, it can be a beautiful thing if God is at the center and grace, mercy and forgiveness are indeed necessary all the time!

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  22. “Marriage is a union between three people; man, woman and Holy God.” I love that quote… May you and your other half continue to grow in love of the Lord Jesus Christ, and also grow in love for each other. God bless 🙂

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      • It’s only by the power of God that two distinct personalities, two sets of likes and dislikes, two sets of emotions, two sets of characteristic, two sets of temperament, and two sets of wills can be made one. I remember once hearing someone say, “You may not know it but, you haven’t been planning for a wedding all these years, you’ve been planning for a miracle, the miracle that occurs when God takes two people and makes them one.”– Roma Downey, in Touched by an Angel.

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  23. This was very awesome and on time. I’ve been married 15 years and neither me nor my husband were saved when we first got married. So what do you do when one decides to get saved in the marriage and your partner is not ready yet???

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  24. Very great advice! I have been married for two years. We sought the Lord throughout every step of the way leading up to marriage. I was married before and lost my first husband due to an accident. It is such a difference to have God as the foundation of your marriage.

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  26. This was a much needed post! I think you covered EVERY base! Great job girl!!! Wow! We both will have been married 25 years this year! My anniversary is Sept 9. It’s so truly important to not be unequally yoked. It’s very hard to live this kind of life. 😢

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  27. Road trips foster better relationships if you’ve got good air conditioning. 😉 In 2010, the then-boyfriend and I drove 14 hours to Mobile, Alabama, so I could volunteer during the BP spill. About halfway there, his air conditioning stopped keeping up with the exterior change in temperature. Not gonna lie: I got crannnn-key. Then we went to a Dairy Queen in Birmingham and learned DQs don’t have chocolate ice cream down there. Whuuuuut?

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