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GRIEVING MY LOSSES

Good morning friends, how are you today … just today? Today, I am fine.  I do have quite a bit to do today, but that’s good, I like to be busy.  As a matter of fact, sometimes I have to be aware of that desire; that need, to be busy. It’s not always the wisest decision, even though it may be the easiest in my case. What does your day look like? It is raining AGAIN in my neck of the woods.  It has been raining for the past week, every single day.  My poor, indoor, plants are having a hard time, flourishing during these dark, gloomy, rainy days.  Although, they sit near the windows, even the daylight has been almost, none existent.  But for me, the rain is welcome here, because it means our temperature is warm enough to have no need for mittens, scarves, hats, snow jackets and snow boots and there is no need to use the snow blower to clear the driveway.  It could always be worse, can’t it? Although I would like to have the sunshine and even warmer temperatures, I do thank the Lord for the rain today.   I Thess 5 18Last week, I heard one of the most profound statements, ever to come into my hearing.  And then I heard it AGAIN in our Ladies Sunday School Class.  Needless to say, I had to stop and take note; I had to ask the Lord what He needed me to know.  In our News Broadcast, during the Sports segment, a young man with Down syndrome was being acknowledged. He has been selected by his football team as the best player.  Of course, my heart melted, they are special people, indeed.  But what really struck me was what his mom said, during that interview.  She said, she had to grieve the loss of the child she wanted, in order to accept the child she was given.  “Huh!”  I thought to myself.  That was an unusual statement. Don’t you think so, too? But then, I heard it again, during our SS class.  85A0287F-E3A9-4675-BCF6-9ED103AE97E7We began a new book entitled, ‘Maintaining Balance in a Stress-Filled World’ by Midge DeSart (a very good book and so necessary in today’s world).  In the first chapter, she talks about acknowledging and taking the time to grieve our losses.  Usually, when I think about ‘losses’, death comes to mind, but the idea here is that sometimes, in our desire for perfection and/or control, or even sometimes for seemingly ‘good reasons’,  we have the tendency to ‘bottle things up’.  Well, we all know what will eventually happen to any bottle, when it has had enough.  But, I never thought about it, with the idea of ‘grieving’.  How absolutely profound! Well, it is for me. Eccl 3 1Most of you know by now, that we sent our last child to college in August.  We are now empty nesters.  I don’t think I realized how much I dreaded becoming an empty nester.  Truthfully, I must admit, I don’t know how to feel about it.  The house can be really quiet, perhaps too quiet and too clean. We’ve homeschooled for years, this last child never went to school and she was a restless one, to put it mildly. There was always running and talking, with me trying to put order.  They were ALWAYS TALKING during their school work, which always made us go over time, which always frustrated me.  There was swimming and Taekwondo and Awana and friends; but now we have quiet. IMG_3202It does have its moments though; I find myself talking out loud to the Lord more, playing my music louder, de-cluttering and organizing our home, which is wonderful.  But I realize now, I did not take the time to ‘grieve my losses’.  Our home may never be our girls’ home again; after college, they may choose to stay in a new city.  They are not our ‘little’ girls anymore.  They are 18 and 20 years now.  We were called by the Lord, to raise them to be godly young women and we’ve done that.  My work is done in the mothering department, as least, as far as I know.  Right now, they will spend more time with each other and away from us, than they will actually spend with us.  This is my new normal.  They now get the opportunities to put into practice what they’ve been taught, without us to cushion the fall.  They will make decisions that will affect the rest of their lives, prayerfully, they will choose well.   01d254f0bd1950c13d5a3279755decead4663bb81fThank You, Lord, for the time You granted us with the girls.  Thank You, Lord, that although You are right here with us, You are also with them. Thank You for being my Father and for caring about my broken heart.  Thank You.  Thank You so much for the opportunities, You have given to the girls.  Thank You, Lord and now be God in my life.  What are some ‘losses’ you may have to grieve?closing1brenda

 

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56 responses to “GRIEVING MY LOSSES”

  3. Grieving is a healthy thing to do, it helps us to stop & process our emotions before we step into a new season of life.
    I am grieving the loss of my health & who I envisaged Jennifer to be at this stage of her life! Sadly the super granny I had envisaged does not exist, doing her best in God granny does though…mmmmm!

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  5. Hello Brenda, great message! I have grieved the loss of friendships due to either my having moved or the fact that they are moving. The weekly conversations with coffee or shared conversations in church are just not the same via phone! Although my friends are still loved and thought of, I truly miss the person to person connection. 🙂

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  6. We’re just at the beginning of this journey of seeing our children “leave the nest”. Thankfully, it’s a process that doesn’t happen overnight. But already, I’ve begun to grieve. And that’s okay. Thanks for sharing your heart.

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  9. You are in my prayers. i am glad God put us together so our paths crossed. I am going through a stage myself. I don’t feel I have a place. I have no husband, my kids are grown. I am like what do I do now? and truth be told I think for a season it even had me down some what. I started praying for direction and purpose and I think God put me on the path to it. I use to hear about the empty nest syndrome. and I thought that was made up. Don’t parents have parties when their kids move out? I myself imagined having a party about such, as they were younger. but it is real. The empty whole many of us mothers feel. do fathers go through that thing too? I pray God just plant in you new ideas, new purpose and a new spirit and may it uplift you and keep you in peace in Jesus name Amen! Thank you for your inspired post and wisdom you feed us. it is a blessing to many and even though I am not your child your wisdom nurtures us like we are children and you can see the love of a Mother written in them! and to some that might be a great purpose! May God keep you inspired in all things you do! Have a blessed day Brenda!

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    • Thank you so much for this comment, Michelle. That’s a good question.. I will have to ask my husband how he feels now that the girls are gone.😊😊 I do miss them, but it gives me the opportunity to pray for them

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  11. I had not really thought about grieving even the small losses we have, but it’s a good idea.
    Mothering in one sense does stop when they become adults, but they will need you in other ways. I find that I’m still mothering even though my 7 range in age from 22-42. They know they can come to me with anything and they often do. They also know that I pray for them and ask God to watch over and give them wisdom. This is a lovely post and I hope you are enjoying some of the quiet in your home. Your girls are beautiful! I know you are proud of them as they move forward with their lives. Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at #TeaAndWord.

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  14. God Bless You and Your Family Brenda. you all girls are beautiful. I do know what it is like to grieve. I have taste it many times. But I can say that Jesus Christ has been with me through it all. His been my comfort. He gives us His strength were we are weak. The Father knows what it taste like when He had given His Only Child for us ((All)) And it grieve Him in what many did toward Him because of His Love of truth He shared to an Imperfect World. I know you have put them in His hands. His watching over them day and night. I will stop here. ((Hugs)) Shalom!! Agape!! 🙂

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  16. This is lovely! I heard this concept lately too, from a recovery point of veiw. I’m working with the Lord to grieve the what might have beens, the pain caused to me, the pain i caused to others, and the trust i broke with God. As i grieve i feel more and more free to cling to the Lord and dig deeper into letting go.

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    • Thanks 🙏🏽 it did take me a moment too 😂 but I think it is necessary to acknowledge that loss, whether it is a desire or something we once had that now we have to give up. It also involves believing that all things work for our good and trusting the Lord

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  18. thank you Brenda you made my day i lose my husband 13 years ago November 2, 2005 in the fall season i miss him the most because he loved this season most i know he has his wings and is in a better place but i just miss him holding me and telling me that he loves me and the kiss on my forehead before i went to sleep at night before he went to work..I know the my Father in heaven love me more just miss him much love to all my brother and sister in Christ Ruthie

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  19. Amen, I agree. I definitely grieved the loss of my health and the loss of the foods I can’t eat anymore. We definitely have to go through the grief to get to the other side where healing can begin. I pray the Lord comforts all of our hearts where there is loss and grief. God bless you!

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  22. I miss our fourth son gone to university and living on his own (thankful for good roommate). Our youngest still sleeps at home 🙂 but commutes to college or work every day. Yes, now that harvest is over and grand daughters not here, the house is QUIET.

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  23. Homeschooling . . . wow. I’m always amazed when I hear about it. I have two kids who are as tiny as tiny can be, 3 and 1. When I hear about the things taught in schools these days, I shudder at the thought of releasing them into such a system. Will I be able to do it? I don’t know. I would love to know more about your experience. And I can imagine how the girls going away to school might feel like a loss…the new silence. By the way, you look so amazing for a mum of a 20-year old.

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