Becoming HIS Tapestry

Christian Lifestyle Blogger

BEFORE YOU SAY, “I DO”

August is here, can you believe it?  We are now done with more than half of the year.  Some of us have celebrated births and birthdays and anniversaries. Others have found so few events to celebrate.  Throughout the past seven months, some things never changed. God did not abdicate his throne. He is still God and is still in control of His universe. You are created in the image of the Almighty God and you are loved unconditionally. The Almighty, All Powerful God thinks about you constantly. We are always on His mind.  We may have had unexpected surprises and disappointments.  Our circumstances may have been filled with heartaches and difficulties, but not one event, took the Lord by surprise.  Not only did it not take Him by surprise, it was already written down before you were born!ps-139-16.jpgLast week we celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary. We’ve both spent more time with each other than we’ve spent with anyone else, even our parents. The Lord has used marriage to grow us and teach us about ourselves and about Himself.  He used marriage to teach us to trust Him.  I learnt that God’s Word is not negotiable; neither can the Lord be manipulated. Yes, we grew up, not just physically but especially spiritually, as a result of this marriage. Here are a few suggestions from Benny before saying ‘I do’.

  1. Marry your friend _beauty is fleeting -when you marry a friend, you marry someone you know, not someone you think you know
  2. Avoid bringing debt into a marriage
  3. Pray together from the bringing – start at the courtship level
  4. Love God more than money and more than each other
  5. Stay married to your friend – don’t change the status, your spouse should be your best friend.

(Very concise and to the point, isn’t he? That’s one of the differences between us) Here are a few of the truths I understood more fully: 2115A71A-77D3-4FC4-BFEF-F91D4FDE5DBE

  1. I am not an extension of my husband.  I am an individual created in the image of God.  I am a person and the Lord will reward or judge me, using His Word as the standard.
  2. My identity isn’t found in my husband, nor is it found in my role as a wife.  Being a wife isn’t the reason for my existence. I exist to worship the Almighty God; this is accomplished when I obey His Word.
  3. My husband cannot read my mind (obviously right?) I am a fixer; most times I attempt to fix problems that my husband does not even know exist; I assumed he knew, I thought he would figure it out by my actions.  Speak up! Use words and please make it concise; try to avoid rambling and whining (it isn’t a good look)  (I’m still working on that one, concise isn’t in my nature)
  4. My husband isn’t responsible for my walk with the Lord.  That’s my responsibility; always was and always will be.  That’s part of being an individual; a person created in the image of God. Praying together is good, very good.  But praying together should not replace personal time with the Lord.
  5. My husband has to be the #1 person in my life. Next to the Triune God, my husband fits the best friend role and the secret keeper role.

Our marriage is a work in progress because we are a work in progress.  Marriage is hard work because it’s not in our nature to put the needs of others first.   You prepare to be the best husband or wife  by placing your identity fully in the Living God and resting in the assurance that your obedience to His Word is a personal calling; comes with salvation. It does not rely on your spouse.

Married people; what are a few things you’ve learnt as a result of your marriage?closing1brenda

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109 responses to “BEFORE YOU SAY, “I DO””

  1. Happy Anniversary. May God help marriages these days because marriage institution is endangered!
    I thank God for yours and mine and many others who are enjoying theirs. I also pray for those who are not enjoying their marriages for Gods healing and re-purposefulness in that marriage.

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  2. Sister Brenda II truly loved this what I have read here is Beautiful!! It Is Awesome!! God Bless you, and your family. And thank you for sharing this. ((Hugs)) Agape!! Shalom!! 🙂

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  5. Wow, thanks for this powerful post! I am engaged to get married on December 1. So I’m gobbling up all the advice I can get on wholesome Christian marriage. The primary message I take away from your post here is that God has grown you closer to Himself through this journey you’ve had with your husband. And that He’s grown you closer to your husband as a result! I’m encouraged by your testimony to God’s grace through Christ-like marriage!

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  6. Hi Brenda – Great advise I will be passing along! Congratulations on your anniversary! Such a milestone! Hubby and I will be celebrating our 25th next year as well! One thing I have learned: No marriage is so good that it cannot be made better. Recently, I was Mother-of-the-Groom and felt I re-lived the marital celebration all over again! Such a joyous occasion! Please visit when you have time. God bless! https://maryaperez.com/2018/08/10/happily-ever-after/

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  10. Love this! And I love seeing pictures of you two. Best friends indeed! This is so important. What have I learned? So much… Forgiveness is a big one. Learning to let go of the things we do that hurt each other, even if it was accidental or unintentional. If you can’t forgive, marriage will be difficult because we all make our mistakes. Thankfully if you can learn to communicate well having to forgive one another becomes less frequent. On the flip side of that is peace! We’ve learned peace and understanding…joy…laughter. Laughing at yourself is a good lesson. We can be pretty goofy. Team work…unity… loyalty…faithfulness…respect… accountability…and probably the best lesson we’ve learned is to put God first. If you both put God first you’ll be on the same page and Rock steady as a couple. Thanks for honoring marriage and sharing your thoughts. 🙂

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    • Praise the Lord! Honoring the Lord will certainly cause us to honor each other. Forgiveness… I sometimes don’t understand, why I sought perfection from my husband when I failed so drastically in that area. The Lord does use marriage to grow and perfect us, does He not? Thank you for commenting 🙂

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  11. Lovely pictures 🙂 Communication!!! I am terrible at communicating what I am thinking, feeling, etc. We have made massive progress, but I still struggle with this one. Also, I struggle with wanting to control everything. Life is so much sweeter when I remember that my way is not always the right way. Supporting each other through thick and thin is not always easy, sometimes you are giving 110%, sometimes he is. Sometimes it is half and half. (This is one of my husband’s thoughts on marriage, but he is so right!) But that is part of marriage and learning to put someone else’s needs before your own. Marriage has taught and continues to teach me to be unselfish. It’s a lot of hard work, but oh so very worth it! Marriage has brought me closer to God. I could keep going, but I’ll try and wrap it up 😉 Marriage is God’s gift to us. Let’s cherish it! God Bless you and your husband! You guys are an adorable couple!!

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    • Communication was literally one of my weakness. I think I took it for granted that if I thought of something, my husband would know it somehow. 🙂 (After all I could read his mind, right? 🙂 🙂 🙂 )But for God’s faithfulness, where would we be today? As for that tiny, tiny issue called ‘control’, Let’s just say; “He’s still working on me, to make me what I OUGHT to be” 🙂 Thanks for commenting

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  14. Happy anniversary! Thank you for the wise words. As someone who has been married pretty recently, we look up to people who have been happily married for a long time for advice on how to make it work. It’s nice to hear these reminders and tips.

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  17. After you commented on my 35 lessons from 35 years post, I wanted to stop by and read yours. I enjoyed both yours and your husband’s thoughts. I loved this statement, “Marriage is hard work because it’s not in our nature to put the needs of others first.” You hit the nail on the head with that one. Anyway, congratulations and have a great week!

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  19. This is such a great post and I really enjoyed reading it. I absolutely agree with you that a person should marry a friend instead of someone that you really don’t know well from the start. I am glad that everything is working well for you. Congrats and happy anniversary for both of you.

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  20. Another practical and thought provoking post! Isn’t it great how when two people personally seek God and then ask for a “like-hearted” partner, the Lord provides the very best for us! As we continue our individual daily walk with the Lord, He empowers us to love each other better and to be a blessing to others as a “team.” Congratulations on your anniversary!
    Jo Martin

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    • Thank you, to God be the glory. Nothing can replace our personal time with the Lord. He prepares us to love and extend more grace and forgiveness when we don’t feel like it😇 He helps us to be more humble when at times pride want some to rule our footsteps.

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  22. I have been married for almost three years now and your fourth point is one of my biggest realisations so far. It was so easy to relax when we got married, thinking a husband’s prayer or our prayer time together will solve all issues. I have come to understand that I also need to go on my knees and put my personal petitions before God and things are working out.

    Thanks for sharing and a happy anniversary to you.

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  26. I married my best friend too. Although we have a different religious upbringing (I’m Catholic, he’s Protestant), we respect and honor the same God. He is the one who has bound us together and for that, we are forever grateful for His blessing.

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  30. I love both of your lists!
    What have I learned through marriage?
    1. God really does make of the lonely a family.
    2. Pray for your husband. I don’t know why someone didn’t teach me this when I was younger. Even if he is in a bad mood or says something mean, pray for him.

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  32. Your post really touched my heart. One of the things I’ve struggled most with since being married is my identity. The story is long. Maybe I’ll write about it. Thank you for being such a blessing! ❤️

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    • I know I’m the early part of our marriage, I lost my way for a minute. I replaced my God with my husband, I wanted him to fulfill me. He couldn’t; it want His his responsibility. But our God is faithful, He showed me where I went wrong and reminded me that He will complete me, not my husband. Don’t lose yourself, my friend. I’d love to hear your story. Thanks for commenting

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  34. Happy Anniversary! My husband and I will be celebrating 35 years in September. ( I was a mere babe when we wed 😂) my advice’is for both: consider the other persons feelings. Really think about how they are feeling when they say “I’m tire today, I’m depressed today, I’m just mentally drained today” and then do something for them – a back rub, a foot rub ( oh yes!), bring them their fav beverage/snack, etc. – even if you don’t really feel like it. Marriage is about both giving 100% /100 not 50/50. Sometimes one can’t give 100, but if both are giving- the “bank” is never empty 😊❤️

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  35. I think your husband’s advice on marrying your best friend is so true. To me, my friendship with my husband is the most valuable and lasting part of our relationship. I can’t think of anyone I would rather “hang out” with than him. It is so important to work at keeping that friendship alive.

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  37. When I was a newly wed, almost 48 years ago, the Lord made it clear I was to be the wife He wanted me to be, no matter whether my husband was the husband I thought he should be. The Lord for many years would not allow me to read the scriptures concerning husbands, because I wasn’t one. Also, I came to know my happiness was not my husband’s responsibility, nor was it my responsibility to make him happy. That happiness or contentment comes from the Lord. Good post.

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  38. Great tips from both of you…what a team!! Remember God’s amazing grace and extend GRACE to your spouse…be the first to say sorry, the first to forgive. Our marriage of 35 years (this month) continues to be a “work in progress” 🙂

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  41. Very helpful and honest. ❤I love it Brenda, thank you. I forget my husband and I aren’t mind readers but most days I wish I had telepathic abilities…..😂😁 We are getting better at communication but that took years of work. God is good.

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  42. I’m not married, yet. He’s working on ablaze and I, 🙌🏼
    I enjoyed this post very much. The beginning was a powerful introduction. Months fly by, but God is still God, controlling universe, still in love with us, etc. god doesn’t have concept of our time. It’s his authority over us that never changes. Love this! Great information. Your husbands messages was excellent, not a lot of men can speak these truths. Of course women we get into details, I love it! ☺️

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  43. First, I love your photo of your wedding. It’s beautiful, you both look so very happy.

    For me, marriage is not 50/50 it is 100%/100%. You give a hundred percent even if he is only giving 10. It is about how you respond not how he does. You can only control your actions, not his.

    You also must spend time praying for him, hopefully BEFORE you even meet him. I have prayed for my children’s someday spouse since they were babies. (My daughter has married a wonderful man and I am blessed to have him as a son-in-law) My husband and I are on our 25th year of marriage, we work together every day in the same office less than 10 feet from each other and I love him more deeply each passing year.

    While I don’t agree that I am not an extension of my husband because Scripture says we leave our father and cleave to our spouse, I think I just have a different perception of what that means for me. I am one with my husband and because he is a godly man, he does not take advantage of the role of a woman to man in a marriage. I do believe my husband will be held accountable for the family he has been given on judgment day. I believe that is why the role of the head of a house is so vital. I support him, he listens to me and we come to understand our options. Ultimately, someone must make the final decision, and in a biblical marriage, it is my husband AFTER taking my counsel. I believe that is the order God put in place.

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    • Thank you for that comment, Erika. Praying for your spouse and for your future one is great advice. Thank you also for pointing out that verse also. Although the two shall become one, you are not your husband neither is he, you, which is what I meant. Sometimes we wait for spouse to be obedient to the Word of God in order for us to obey. As individual, I do not need to wait for my husband for obey 🙂 I stand in the gap for him, I submit to His authority, I love him, but my first allegiance is to the Lord

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  44. I married my best friend aswel and it’s honestly the best marriage tip! Our biggest struggle is bringing up children as we both have different views. But luckily we have remained a strong team & we have learnt to discuss our opinions to come to conclusions together… X

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