SO, YOU THINK I’M NICE…

Hello my friends, I pray that you are having a great day today. Do you think I’m a nice person? Most people may say yes. I usually try to leave that impression on those I encounter.  I smile when I greet people, I often offer compliments to them. With most people, I don’t expect much from them, so they rarely disappoint me.  People love talking about themselves or their family; I try to remember points about them so that we can engage in conversation. Although I am not necessarily a ‘people person’ I have learned the art of being ‘nice’.   IMG_0831Now, ask my family (those people I live with) whether I am a nice person.  With them, I can lift the veneer of being ‘nice’. My family knows the true me, because with them it is harder to be ‘nice’ when they fail to reach my expectations. You see, I expect more from them, because they are my family.  A few years ago, when we just started our homeschool path, a friend and I talked about the person we become to the different people in our lives.  We realized then, that our expectations of people determined how they were treated by us.  The more we expected of them, the harsher we became when they failed to reach these expectations.  Our children and our spouse bore the brunt of our wrath, because we expected more or better.  We believed that because they lived with us, they should know certain facts about us, without being told, or change because they have been told.  For example, I like the clothes folded in this way; the dishes should be put away in this manner.  Simple things, right? It occurred to us while we were speaking, that for the same offense, different people were treated differently.  Why is that?rom 715 We concluded that we were not nice people after all; not innately.  I wonder where I’ve heard that before.  Is it really true about me, what the Word of God says in Ecclesiastes 7:20 and again in Jeremiah 17:9? Initially though, I must admit, I blamed them for my actions; I totally believed that it was their fault.  If they changed, then everything would be great! Why did they keep doing the same things over and over again? They should know better right?  eph-5-15Let me assure you, friends, that when I accepted the Word of God as truth, it was life altering.  Now these are not new truths, I knew it already.  Remember I accepted the Lord as my Savior, when I was a little girl.  I got married in my early twenties and had kids a few years later.  I had sufficient time to be the best wife and mother out there.  BUT NOTHING PREPARES YOU TO BE A WIFE AND MOTHER THAN ACTUALLY BECOMING A WIFE AND MOTHER! It is astounding how many truths about the Word of God fall to the wayside, at the beginning of most marriages and parenthood.  Why is that? In my case, because I had accepted Christ as my Savior at an early age, I realized, I relied more on habits to keep me faithful to Him.  Now, don’t knock habits.  Habits can be good! As parents, we need to cultivate good habits in our children.  Get into the habit of spending time with the Lord; get into the habit of going to church; get into the habit of serving others.  Good habits! BUT THOUGH HABITS MAY KEEP US TEMPORARILY, THEY DO NOT GROW US IN OUR WALK WITH GOD. prov 31 17I had to become INTENTIONAL in my walk with God; I had to BELIEVE what the Word of God says about me and about Himself.  I had to BELIEVE what He said about how He expected His people to be treated.  I had to OBEY what the Word of God said.  I had to REALIZE that I am not the center of universe.  Thankfully I had great people in my life, who reminded me of these truths when the girls were quite young.  Thankfully the Lord has erased most of their memory of the control freak who was their mother.  Now if only God would work that same miracle on my husband!

Who are you becoming, my friends? Do you really want to know? Ask your family; they WILL SURELY TELL!  closing1brenda

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58 comments

  1. Brenda, if l didn’t know better, l would have concluded that you’ve been peeping and eavesdropping over my household. Thanks for being so succinct in your approach. And so honest too. Much to learn from your observations. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. so True. And what a great read! I was just praying today asking God to forgive me for being so hard on those I ‘expect so much from” as you are right ! Thank you Holy Spirit for conviction. Ask your family Huh? Brave girl you are. LOL

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 🤣🤣🤣 I mist admit I did not like the person I was becoming. The shame and guilt that came after the words were said; something had to be done. I HAD to change. I guess we really don’t have to ask, the Holy Spirit will indeed convict us 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Accept One Another
  4. My homeschooling years are finished but it’s true we have higher expectations of our family members. And we wouldn’t feel so angry if we didn’t care so much!! But “man’s (woman’s) anger does not bring about the righteous life that God requires.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I always think of the movie, Roadhouse, and the quote about being nice: “I want you to be nice….until it’s not time to be nice.” I have been doing my best to work on this. The people who know me, know what to expect. Those still getting to know learn my preferred saying, “I am not a bakery and I don’t sugar coat what needs saying.” I have learned some tact in the last 21 years of living in CA. However, as my daughter puts it, ‘NY Mommy’ shows up every now and then and when she shows up, the niceness leaves.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh ouch…what a great perspective. Honestly, I never thought about why we are harsher with those we love as opposed to those who we just pass by in the day. This was a fantastic read for me and a wonderful reminder. It has definitely given me some major food for thought. God Bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “My family knows the true me, because with them it is harder to be ‘nice’ when they fail to reach my expectations. You see, I expect more from them, because they are my family. ”
    That is so true it took my years to understand this when my parents were hard on me.

    Another good point was
    “BUT NOTHING PREPARES YOU TO BE A WIFE AND MOTHER THAN ACTUALLY BECOMING A WIFE AND MOTHER! ”
    so true, experience is the nest teacher

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Yes, yes, and yes! I thoroughly appreciate how authentic and honest you are. Don’t ever stop! There is SO much in this post that I relate to, and your perspective really gives me something to be thinking and praying on.

    “With most people, I don’t expect much from them, so they rarely disappoint me.”

    I also loved this line. What a great way to interact with others- expecting little and giving much.

    This is a wonderful and timely post for me to have read, and I thank you for writing it. God bless, Friend! 😁

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Jess. I love the compliment 😀 but all glory goes to our Lord. I know it most relationships, we have the tendency to raise the expectations for others, yet lower them for us. If we allow the Word of God to reign, we will be courteous and kind to everyone, especially to our own family

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Dear Brenda, such candor and wisdom! I had never thought about how our expectations of others drives their treatment of us. We send out certain vibes, don’t we? Perhaps that’s part of the reason we should interact intentionally. Thanks and blessings!

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Love that verse from Ephesians. Yes, the people closest to me are the ones that see my flaws most often… I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here… we must be intentional about our choices! Excellent post! P.S. Your outfits are gorgeous, too!

    Liked by 4 people

  11. A lot of wisdom in this post. Praise the Lord for Godly friends who aren’t afraid to boldly point out hard truth. So important to keep growing rather than getting stuck in habits, good or bad. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I love this!!! It’s true. We often can be one way to a stranger and another to those closest to us. I am going to have this post in the community spotlight, it comes out at the end of the month 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you 😊 it all goes back to our expectations doesn’t it? My family was usually treated worse than anyone else. I realized the problem was not really with them, but rather it was with me, a fact that took me a few years to admit; I am sorry to say

      Liked by 2 people

  13. Ouch! I don’t think I actually want my kids to really tell what they think about mommy being nice. I definitely have to stay grounded in God’s word. I feel like no matter how much or little time I spend there, I can always use more. Thanks for really unpacking that word just now and shining a mirror right in my crazy mama face!!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I think if we totally honest with ourselves, very few of us spend ‘enough’ time in the Aord of God 😀 because the struggle to obey God is beyond our human capability, we have to be more intentional in our walk with Him. But our God is more faithful and loving and gracous and merciful and He will surely help us to do better

      Liked by 2 people

  14. I can relate! It’s tough being nice all the time especially when people make the same mistakes over and over! But I have learned to bite my tongue & pick my battles, sometimes it’s just not worth the trouble! X

    Liked by 2 people

  15. So interesting that you’ve talked about our expectations of others, colouring how we interact with them, think of them. I wrote a similar post a couple months ago. My premise was that our ‘expectations’ of others impairs our ability to get along with them and that includes our expectations of family. I think when we just accept people as they are, we get along a lot better.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Amen! I think most of the friction that exists in relationships stems from us trying to change and control those around us. That’s guaranteed to bring strife and discord. We must be willing to submit and surrender our will over to the Lord. When we do that, the change we see will be in us! 😎

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you for your post Brenda. I struggle with very high expectations of my family myself. I can say Amen Sister to almost every line. When I read Debrahm’s comment it reminded me of the verse Romans 15:7 Accept one another then, just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God. When we accuse we are less like Christ and more like the devil. When we accept we bring praise to God, not necessarily our own praise but the praise of those we accept and if that is the praise of children Psalm 8 says he builds a fortress around them with that praise. Then when we advocate for others we are most like Christ.
      This morning after yet another fight with my 5 year old who is in a season of complaining and arguing, I had to repeat my prayer over and over, “I am an advocate not an accuser”. Thank you both for reminding me that acceptance is the first step. Tomorrow I’ll pray “Let me accept my daughter in order to bring praise to you and let me be an advocate for her not an accuser.” before I open my mouth. Bless you both.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. 😂😂😂 amen to that prayer. We have called to work with the natural bent of a child. And 5 year olds have a mind of their own. If it’s not against the Word of God and is not dangerous, then sometimes choosing the battles will be good for your health 😂 I’ve been there with a strong willed child, I understand

        Liked by 2 people

  16. You wrote: In my case, because I had accepted Christ as my Savior at an early age, I realized, I relied more on habits to keep me faithful to Him.

    That is a powerful statement and worthy of MUCH discussion. Thank you for reminding me!

    Liked by 3 people

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